Dana's Dreamland
by EmpressV
Summary: Scully is having powerful dreams that are attempting to lead her away from the X-files and Mulder.
1. Dana's Dreamland - Part 1

Dana's Dreamland, Chapter 1 TITLE: Dana's Dreamland - part 1/3   
AUTHOR: [Empress Vader][1]   
RATING: PG   
CATEGORY: Mulder/Scully romance - X-file   
SPOILERS: none I can think of   
WEBSITE: [http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html][2]   


Summary: Scully Dreams attempt to speak to her, but will she listen? 

Disclaimer: As you know, the characters Mulder and Scully are Chris Carter's brain child, and all rights belong to him, Fox, 1013 etc. I'm getting no money from this; it's all in fun.   
  


Dana's Dreamland 

Part 1   
  


_I looked around the dark wooded area. My partner had disappeared again. Damn that Mulder, and damn me for always being there._   
  


_"Mulder" I yelled as strong as I could muster in this thick atmosphere. It was followed by a shuffle behind me and I spun around in the hope that it was my partner and fear that it wasn't._   
  


_"Mulder, is that you," I said a little softer. "Mulder, are you trying to scare me."_ The unidentified sound moved to the right of me. Mulder and I had never had the best luck in the woods. Though I knew there was some kind of curse that always followed us there, I went anyway. I'd never admit it to him, but I was as intrigued by an X-File as he was. But there were a lot of things I could never seem to put into words and tell him.   


  
  
  
  


_Since the only company I seemed to have was that sound, I suppressed my fear and walked toward the it. Though it might have juste been my partner, it could have been the suspect. I slowly crept through the bushes, trying to avoid startling whatever was moving through there. I reached for my weapon and clutched my flashlight even harder._

_On the other side of the bushes, I was shocked to find a cabin. A small shadow moved toward it and disappeared inside the door. I knew now it wasn't my partner, but it wasn't the suspect either. For a second I debated if approaching the cabin was the best thing and decided it was the only thing to do._

_"Mulder, where the hell are you?" I whispered to myself._

_I stepped toward the cabin and prepared to fire my weapon at any moment, one never knew what they would discover on a Mulder outing. Leaning against the outside of the door, I pushed it open. Only to find myself blinded by a white light. When I could see again, I was standing in a nursery. The sound of a music box played gently in the background. The figure I had watched enter approached me. I knew her as well as I knew anyone. And as I looked into her angel face my own morphed into shock. My voice also transformed into a cracked cry._

_"Emily," I said so low that I barely heard myself._

_This had to be a dream, for it was only in my dreams that I could see the daughter I had learned to love only to lose. She was dressed in a long white gown and that along with the light of the room, radiated upon her face giving it an angelic glow. She held her small hand out to me and I reached for it. It was only then that I realized my own outfit had been transformed into a similar white gown. In a rational moment I might have tried to figure this out. But holding the hand of Emily, I didn't really wish to question things too much. I followed my child toward the mirror; it reflected two children, faces unseen, cowering in the corner of the room. Emily let go off my hand and pointed to them._

_"They need you Mommy," Emily said looking at me. Then she herself turned and walked into the mirror._

_"Emily," I yelled and walked toward the mirror. But I was bared from entering behind her._

_"They need you," Emily's voice said again. I turned around, searching like a mad woman for the source of the voice. It repeated the same phrase again, but wherever I turned. It seemed to be coming from the other direction._   
  


RING! RING! 

The phone beside my bed startled me awake. I was still living in the wake of the dream when I heard it. However, the phone would not let me fully return to my dream world and continue my search.   
  


RING! RING! 

"I'm up, I'm up," I said rolling over to grab the phone. "Scully," my voice said radiating the anger of my broken sleep. 

"Hey, the sun has risen and you have not," Mulder said on the other line. "Alarm clock broken?" 

I looked over at my alarm clock; it was still ticking away. I should have been up hours ago, why hadn't my alarm gone off. 

"I don't know what happened Mulder. I'll get there as soon as I can." 

"Don't bother, we have a plane to catch," my partner interjected. 

"Oh really, and how long do I have to prepare for this flight?" I replied unable to muster the sarcasm I wanted to go with the statement. 

"I'll be by there in about a half an hour, just get ready." 

"Are you at least going to tell me about the case?" 

"When I get there?" Click. The other end of the phone went dead. 

What in the hell had kept me asleep so long? And what had Mulder dug out of the trash this time. And what the hell was wrong with me? I had slept for hours, but I still wasn't prepared to get up and go anywhere—even with Mulder. I knew I had just had a very weird dream, but the details had escaped me. Emily. Emily had been in the dream, she had said something, but the words escaped my head. It would come; right now I had to get ready before Mulder got here. Didn't want him to see me in these ugly plaid pajamas—not that I cared. But hell, I had overslept, so my professional image had already had enough damage for one day. It's a good thing I keep a bag packed for Mulder's spur of the moment trips.   


  


DZ - 1999 

   [1]: mailto:Lady_Vader21@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html



	2. Dana's Dreamland - Part 2

Danadreamland_2 TITLE: Dana's Dreamland - part 2/3   
AUTHOR: [Empress Vader][1]   
RATING: PG   
CATEGORY: Mulder/Scully romance - X-file   
SPOILERS: none I can think of   
WEBSITE: [http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html][2]   
  


Summary: Scully continues to be assulted by her odd dreams. 

Disclaimer: As you know, the characters Mulder and Scully are Chris Carter's brain child, and all rights belong to him, Fox, 1013 etc. I'm getting no money from this; it's all in fun.   
  


Dana's Dreamland 

Part II 

_"Dana, Dana" a voice called in the distance._

_I responded to my name immediately and saw my sister Melissa standing in the distance, but she was a little girl._

_"MISSY," I said in shock, receiving a second shock when my own unfamiliar voice came out like a chipmunk. My older sister, who's death still hung in my mind linked heavily with the guilt of knowing she took a bullet meant for me, stood before me as a young girl._

_"Come on, Mom and Dad are waiting. Dad says we can't eat until the families at the table. And you know how Bill gets when he has to wait."_

_The little girl smiled at me and took my hand. It was only then I glanced at my own hand and I realized it was the hand of a child. As Melissa lead me toward our family setting at the picnic table, all other thoughts disappears as I slipped into the warm comfort of being a child again—the world was safe, my family was complete. The scene brought back a secure warmth from long ago, still sitting somewhere in my 'before Mulder' memories—which were often hard to recall. I loved Mulder, I really did, but we had become so entwined that I sometimes forgot where I ended and he began. Mulder wasn't just a friend from work, or my partner; he was a twenty four hour a day lifestyle._

_But Mulder wasn't home. This sight was home. My two brothers, in their long forgotten youthful forms, picked at each other. My father, alive and active, reprimanded the boys. And my mother, a vibrant YOUNG woman, sat the food out at the table, called to us girls, and still managed to calmly talk the boys out of their argument._

_"Come on Dana, join your family," Melissa said running off toward the picnic table._

_With a speed I didn't know I had and excitement I hadn't felt in years, I ran toward the family setting. I could smell my mother's pies, feel the warm laughter that accompanied these meals as we shared memories. For the first time since I'd left home I felt like I belonged at a table with my family. Just as I reached it, all the people dissolved like an illusion or a mirage in the desert, leaving only the table. Adult Melissa materialized in front of me. I checked my hands to see if they were still small, but they weren't._

_"Fill the table Dana."_

_ "What?"_

_ "Fill the table, you want it full. Don't sit here alone forever."_

_ "I don't understand."_

_ "Fill the table," Melissa said turning away._

_She strolled slowly toward a house in the distance. I ran after her, but no matter how fast I ran—catching up with her slow stroll was impossible. The white light appeared—blinding me again. When it dimmed, I saw Melissa in the distance, holding Emily's hand._

_"Fill the table Dana," Melissa repeated._

_Then the figures dissolved._   
  
  
  


"Scully," my partner's voice said as a gentle stroke to the cheek awoke me. 

If there was one time Mulder was gentle, it was when he found little excuses like this to touch me. As childish as Mulder could be at times, he had never shaken me awake or yelled in my ear (though an early morning phone call came pretty close). There was always this gentle touch that ever so sweetly brought me from dreamland to the real world. I had learned many times over the years how gentle those hands could be, how they could sweep across you leaving tingling sensations in their path. His touch always warmed me from the inside out. 

I learned about that touch the first time we met. Despite all my assertions that I DO NOT believe in extraterrestrial, despite my long list of rationalizations against the possibility, I had ran into his room like a mad woman upon finding a few bumps on my back that turned out to be no more than misquito bites. His touch had been in full effect that night, lightly tracing the area in question as he examined me, making my body gently tingle in ways it hadn't since that first disastrous bout of puppy love. I was so shaken, both by fear and him, I couldn't wait to hide behind that robe again. And then he began to touch me in little ways, placing his hand on my back for instance or on my shoulder. His arrogance didn't scare me, that touch did. I could compete with him on an intellectual level, could battle theories back and forth and every once in awhile come up with a colorful quip to counter his. But his touch, those gentle hands, I had nothing of equal hypnotizing value to hold over him. 

I stretched as best I could. Sleeping in the car seat had given me a terrible cramp. My legs felt like dead weight. And why was I here? Ghost. Mulder had entertained me on the plane with the Romeo and Juliet like tale of kissing cousins Mindy and David Brown—without knowledge of this blood tie, had met and got involved in high school. By the time their fathers--feuding brother's found out, Mindy was already pregnant. Each brother blamed the other and got into a fight that resulted in them killing each other. When Mindy's gay brother turned up dead, she claimed an apparition of her father appeared. She claimed to have seen it again when, David, who had been living as her husband, 'appeared' to have committed suicide. Now a normal Agent would have attributed the brother's death to a hate crime (as the cops had done) and believed David Brown's suicide was exactly what it appeared to be. But not Mulder, he was ready to believe a story about ghost. Even though it was possibly the theory of a disturbed woman. A woman who had been found incompetent as a mother and had her children taken away. 

I finally got the energy to push the car door open as some of the circulation returned to my legs. Mulder was standing there, chipper as ever. Did he have the energy of a five year old or what? What bewildered me more than the fact I never hung up on him when he called me at three in the morning, was that he was up and active at that time. Was he on some drug I didn't know about that kept him going like the energizer bunny? 

"Glad I finally got you awake," Mulder said leaning on the car door. 

Slipping out the car, I stretched my dead legs. I almost tumbled from that sleeping leg and Mulder caught me in his arms. I got onto my own feet as quickly as possible, not wanting to betray myself to my partner. Waking me up was one thing, but I wasn't going to take an extended vacation lying in his arms. 

"You alright Scully," 

"I'm fine," I said knowing full well where that phrase always got me. "I've just been having these really powerful dreams." 

"Scully!" he said with that damn boyish smile and teasing tone that implied enough to get his innuendo across. 

Now I wanted to smack him. Mulder had this uncanny ability to drive me from one extreme to the other. I either wanted to kiss him, smack him, or both, but there was rarely any middle ground. No one else could get under my skin like Mulder. I could control myself with everyone else. And that was another one of those things I feared and loved about him all at once. 

"You know I don't mean that," I replied. 

"Sure Scully," he said carrying the sarcastic tone I had been trying to capture earlier on the phone 

"Shut up, Mulder, " I said grabbing my cell phone from the car. 

As we entered the mental hospital, my body was on autopilot, following behind Mulder as we went through our usual motions, show badges—ask questions. Make people think we're crazy—only Mulder could accomplish that with a single question. Sure, the woman's in a mental hospital, but she's still a credible witness. Yes, we believe she's really talking to ghost. Mulder was no fool; I'm not saying that, if the conversation warranted it, he could play his own skeptic. 

Creative, Mulder was a creative investigator. Usually I loved watching him work, watching him solve his puzzles. And I was his playmate—we were in a constant competition, trying to find out who would win the game—though we had to work together to reach the end. Today, however, I couldn't have concentrated if I wanted to. In the beginning 'Mulder land' had been an interesting place, full of surprises, mystery and intrigue, now I swore if I saw another dead cow slide, I'd break Mulder's projector. Folklore come to life, vampires, alien probes, and conspiracy theories—it was all a bunch of been there, done that. Every once in awhile, the X-Files offered a surprise or two, but I didn't stay for the cases anymore, I stayed for him—maybe I always had. I knew if I ever quit the FBI or left the X-Files that he and I would always be friends. But it wouldn't be the same as being partners. As much as I wanted something else in my life, it felt good to be needed—depended upon. Rather it was just to talk or to chase after some wild case, he called me. I didn't want Mulder giving his 3 a.m. calls to anyone else. And then there were those moments, those unpredictable moments where we, while discussing a case in the hotel room or in a car, where a piece of ourselves would leak out and be revealed. And we never realized it, never forced it, it just happened. 

"Scully," Mulder said when he was finished talking to Mindy's psychiatrist. 

"Huh," I replied not realizing I had been staring into space the whole time. 

"You sure you're awake?" he asked so seriously I couldn't think of a logical answer. 

I wanted to say, "I'm fine", but I knew he never believed that. 

"I'm okay Mulder," I finally replied—big difference from I'm fine. "Let's go." 

He cast me a suspicious glance. I turned away from it and headed down the hall. I didn't have a viable explanation to give him. He let it go and a few minutes later we were in the white walled room of Mindy Brown. 

I have to admit the woman looked spooked, all the color had been flushed from her face, making her as pale as a ghost. Her eyes were boaring into the wall in front of her, though they were without expression. It was obvious she wasn't with the rest of the world. If I didn't know better, I would have said she was a ghost. 

"Mindy," Mulder said as he approached her. Despite his gentle tone, the girl nearly jumped out of her skin. 

"Mr. Mulder, I'm sorry," Mindy said, her voice coming out in shivers—though it was far from cold. 

"This is my partner Dana Scully." 

"I'm glad you came, no one else will listen. He came last night, telling me losing my children would be my punishment. He's taunting me, he knows I can't get to them." 

"What does he say to you exactly?" 

"That his line must end, that that is his punishment for killing his brother," Mindy sighed before she continued, but her eyes still weren't registering emotion. "He says, he was disgraced enough by a gay son—my atrocity has doomed his line. He appears to me in the dream world only. They say it's just a manifestation of guilt, but Kayla's seen him too. She's only five, she doesn't understand guilt, all she knows is--. She was perfect, you know—I just knew she was going to have two heads or something, but she was perfect. Still, David and I, we decided to be safe—not have any more children. Than William Michael came along and that's when he came to end his line. Everything was fine as long as it was only Kayla, but William Michael changed things. I don't understand why." Mindy turned to Mulder, her eyes finally registering on us. "Your going to see my children today, aren't you?" 

"Yes," Mulder answered. 

"Tell them there mother loves them. And tell them I'm sorry; no leave that part out. Just tell them I love them."   
  
  
  


Mulder and I were back in the car before I spoke, I knew whatever I had to say would lead to the usual song and dance, but so be it. 

"Mulder, that's woman is very disturbed—I hope your not taking her seriously. I mean there's a reason she's here." 

"He was a boy." 

"What?" I responded. 

"His line wasn't in danger of being further disgraced by a female child. A woman becomes the burden of whatever family she marries." 

"Didn't that go out with the idea that all women should be barefoot and pregnant?" 

Mulder half smiled in response. "Despite my liberated point of view, some men still believe in the male line of succession." 

"Sure, your real liberated Rob "make me a sandwich" Petrie," I shot back at him with a smile.   
  
  
  


I couldn't help thinking about Emily as I entered the children's service's building. It had the same cold walls that tried to disguise themselves as a place for children with their pastel clown pictures in various funny positions dancing along the walls. There were also finger paintings and stick drawings on bulletin boards and on walls, doing their part in the deception. This was a dumping ground for the children they didn't know what to do with and the walls knew it. No amount of pastels could hide that. It was a place I had hoped to rescue Emily from, but instead I had moved her from here into another cold place. That hospital. My best moment with Emily had been in neither place, but in that car when I gave her my necklace—the one my mother had passed onto me. I hadn't known she was mine then, but maybe somewhere deep down inside I did know she was a part of me. We had so little time together, yet my memories of her were as clear as if the whole tragedy had occurred yesterday. 

We entered a playroom that served as a visiting area for parents and children. I heard the papers rustling behind me as the child's caseworker entered behind us. 

"Miss Scully," a voice said from behind me in shock. 

I spun around, wondering who could know me by name. I was surprised to find out who the voice belonged to, especially since it was Emily I had just been thinking about. It was Susan Chambliss, the one who had handled Emily's adoption case. We greeted each other like old friends, one wouldn't have believe the only memory between us was a tragic one. 

"So you're here about the Brown children," Ms. Chambeliss began, "Such a tragic case. Kayla is such a delightful little girl, one wouldn't believe the things she's endured." 

"So you're familiar with the children?" 

"Yeah, they're my case. Well not really, it got handed to me about three days ago. Cynthia Warren left to have a baby. You know, I actually found a few homes for the baby brother--William, but no one wants the little girl. They think she's disturbed" 

"Because she talks to Ghost?" 

"Yes, Isn't that why you and your partner are here?" 

"Well, even if the child isn't seeing ghost." 

"She could have seen something," Susan sighed. "Well I was just going to get her and her brother. You two ca n just wait here." 

Then Susan Chambeliss disappeared through the door and down the hall.   
  
  
  


"Mommy's here," I heard a little voice say before I saw the child. I knew that voice, but I dare not say what was in my mind. It couldn't be, she couldn't be here. Yet, I turned to look anyway and she came running through the door with the biggest smile. It was Emily; her cubby cheeks as rosy as ever. But the face of Emily only appeared for only a second, it quickly dissolved into another little face and this one was frowning. 

"You're not mommy," Kayla said looking at me with these wide blue eyes. Her short blond hair framing her face the same way Emily's had. 

Susan Chambeliss came running in behind her, she was holding a ten-month-old baby boy. 

"But Uncle Charley said Mommy would come today," Kayla frowned. 

Susan kneeled down in front of the child. "I told you, your mommy can't take care of you right now." 

Kayla's eyes fell to her red headed brother, then looked up at me again. 

"The sign, you're the one," Kayla said, the smile returning as her eyes fell on me. 

"Agents, this is Kayla and William Brown," Chambeliss introduced. 

"William Michael Brown," Kayla corrected, ignored by the caseworker again. 

Susan again turned to Kayla. 

"These are Agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. They would like to talk to you about your mommy? Would you like to talk to them?" 

"If William Michael can stay with me," Kayla responded. 

Susan nodded and put the baby in a near-by bouncer. 

"I'll be right outside, okay?" 

When Susan stepped out, Kayla's eyes fell on Mulder. 

"Is your name really Fox?" Kayla asked Mulder. 

"Yeah." 

"How'd you get that name?" 

"How'd you get the name Kayla?" 

"I don't know. I know how my brother got his name. William was my daddy's daddy and Michael was my Mommy's daddy." 

"Which one talks to you?" 

"Uncle Charley talks to me, he told me Mommy was scared of Grandpa Michael, but that I don't have to be. He told me someone was coming to protect me and Michael. And now she's here." 

"Who?" 

"Her," Kayla said pointing to me. 

I wish I could have seen my face at that moment, because I felt completely and totally dumfounded. I hadn't known this child five minutes and now she was declaring I was her savior. 

"It's just like Uncle Charley said, you have to take me to my Mommy now." 

"What?" I finally managed to say. The bright-eyed Kayla was sure of herself, I could tell that. But I still couldn't figure out why, there was no logical reason for her to suddenly decide some woman she hadn't known five minutes—had I said that already, was suppose to take her away. 

"He said you'd remind me of my brother. And you do, cause of your red hair. And that you would wear the sign and you're wearing it around your neck. He called you the guardian of imocence." 

"When do you talk to Uncle Charley?" Mulder interrupted. 

"I hear him all the time. But I can only see him in my dreams. He keeps Grandpa Michael from taking me and William Michael when we're sleeping." Kayla turned to me. "Can I go see Mommy now." 

It was clear now; this elaborate story was a way to get to her mother. 

"Kayla, I'm sure Miss Susan has told you, you can't see your mommy right now." 

"But you have to take us. Uncle Charley said you would lead us home." 

I kneeled down to the five-year-old. She was getting increasingly upset and I knew she wasn't going to like what I had to tell her. Her blue eyes were no longer as bright as they had been when she entered; they were now dimming to a paler shade. 

"Kayla sweetie," I began in the softest voice I could muster. "Your Mommy isn't at home." 

"Yes she is," Kayla said with a tear rolling down her cheek. "Uncle Charley promised, he said once the guardian came—we would go home." That single tear was followed by another. Kayla broke her small hand from mine and wrapped both arms around my neck. She was holding on so tight I thought my face would turn blue from the pressure. "You're the only reason I wasn't scared, Uncle Charley kept promising you would come—you can't leave me here. Grandpa Michael's gonna get us one day, but I wasn't scared. Cause Uncle Charley promised you would come." 

"I'm sorry Kayla, there's nothing I can do," I replied, prying the child from myself as gently as possible. 

When I looked into her face, I nearly fainted, for I saw Emily again. "We need you," was her singular reply. I blinked and Kayla stood before me again. 

Susan Chambeliss reentered the room to retrieve Kayla, which was difficult because she was gripping my jacket. When she finally was lose she started screaming. Susan was doing her best to hold the child. Only when she was out of the room did she stop screaming and start crying. All logic told me there was nothing I could do, but I felt guilty anyway. 

"You okay Scully," Mulder asked as he placed a hand on my shoulder. 

"Fine," I replied. How many times have I assured him of that today? 

"Ma," a small voice said from behind me. I turned and looked at the curly headed baby boy. He raised his hands to me. "Ma." He said again. 

Without thinking, I reached for the baby boy and picked him up. He smiled at me and reached for the crucifix around my next. He fiddled with it and looked up at me again. 

"Ma?" he repeated. Though it seemed this was the only word he knew, this time it seemed like a question. Like he too knew of the "sign" Kayla mentioned, like it meant something to him to and he just couldn't express it. He lay down in my bosom, flushing me with a warm sensation that I hadn't felt in months, years. His small head was under my chin, his hair brushing my cheek. My heartbeat vibrating against his ear. The thing about babies is they have this smell, this sweet baby powder smell that makes you want to hold onto them forever. You know when they fell safe with you, because all they need is that feeling as a reason to cuddle close to you. 

Susan Chambeliss reentered. 

"I suppose this wasn't very productive, I'll take William now." 

My arms were reluctant to turn the snuggling baby over to Ms. Chambeliss. I slowly released him from my hands to hers, but he too was reluctant to go. First his small hands tried to hold onto me, but were unsuccessful. Then his small voice released a pleading "Ma" before he to burst into tears. 

"Maybe it's best they be separated," Susan replied. "Lord knows what went on in that house." 

"Ma," William Michael cried again and reached for me before Susan turned out the door, coddling him as best she could. 

I couldn't explain it in logical terms, but I began to cry. I wasn't bawling, there was just these uncontrollable teardrops forcing there way down my face. Maybe it was guilt or regret resurfacing because I knew I could never have a child. But neither of these explanations registered with the choking sensation in my throat. My heart was telling me to run out into the hall, snatch the baby from Chambeliss' arms and hold him until he was resting comfortably in my bosom again. But luckily my Brain kept my feet in place. However, I could feel Mulder's eyes looking at me. 

"Scully?" he questioned. 

I couldn't even manage another "I'm fine" or "I'm okay". 

"I didn't know these kids would get to you like that." 

"It's okay. It's just that picking up a baby always makes. . ." I sighed. "Let's go Mulder."   
  


Our next stop was the Brown household. Mindy must have been a good housekeep, because except for the office where David had hung himself, the house was pretty neat. This was an amazing accomplishment for a woman with two small children. I wondered if I would have been able to do the same with children so young. I'm not saying it was perfect, there was the stray toy here and there. In fact Mulder and I had nearly tripped on a pair of skates and a toy car upon entering. But that was perhaps what made it normal. So normal in fact, it seemed illogical that the father killed himself, the mother went crazy, and the children ended up belonging to the state. 

As Mulder rattled around the living room, the photos on the mantel caught my attention. A naked baby Kayla, with a blanket draped around her was sitting on the mantel—she would kill her mother for that around age thirteen. A picture of William Michael at the hospital was beside it. Then there was a huge professional Family portrait; I was amazed at how beautiful Mindy had been when she had some color to her. No one would have guessed she and David were related. He was this tall lanky guy with a little boy's face. 

"You sure these two were cousins?" 

"Yeah, they're father's were half brothers. That's what the feud between them was about, 'a mother's love'. It seems she favored Michael over William. She had an affair and had William—he was illegitimate. But her heart was always with her husband, so she put the weight and blame of that decision on William." 

"And three generations down it's still tearing the family apart," I said more to myself then him. 

"I'm going look around in the office," Mulder announced. 

As headed in the direction of the office, I went upstairs to look around. My first stop was the parent's room. I gave it the thorough look over, but it was as neat as the rest of the house. David had left his pants on the foot of the bed. That was about the only thing out of place. The statement taken from Mindy said he had just gotten up out of bed, gone into his downstairs office, and hung himself. Mindy found him. According to her, the kids had never seen the body. It wasn't long after that the neighbors slowly began to notice the families decent into madness. The next door neighbor had called Children's Services when Mindy had come banging on her door in the rain, with her children half dressed, claiming her dead father was after her. Less than a week later Kayla began to claim she had been talking to her dead Uncle, who died nearly a month before. 

As I glanced over the night table, I heard the tinkling tune of "Rock a Bye Baby" filter through the baby monitor. I turned around again, toward the connecting door. Through it, I could see the Red and White walls of the nursery. I walked toward it. Inside the nursery, I was flushed with that mothering sensation of holding the baby yet again. William Michael's bed still looked brand new, there were cute little baby clothes hanging on hangers in his closet. My eyes fell on a little baseball outfit on the changing table. With a matching baseball cap. My fingers felt along the little blue lines of the cap, thinking of his little head resting under my chin and how each expression of the word "Ma" let me know what he was feeling. One word and he had said it so many ways. As I picked up the hat, a hand fell on mine. There was no reason to move, I knew his touch, it was Mulder. 

"Scully, What are you doing?" 

It was a question, but it sounded more like a statement. Like he already knew what, or at least who I was thinking about. 

"Nothing, just inspecting the room," I answered moving away from him. 

"Scully, I don't think there is anything here anyway. I'm finding no evidence of anything but a cut and dry suicide." 

"I didn't know suicide was cut and dry 

Mulder sighed. "I saw what happened when you held that baby." 

"What?" 

"You know, that look you women get when—" 

"Excuse me? You women?" 

"I didn't mean it like that Scully," Mulder rattled out, knowing he had just tripped over this own tongue. "I just meant, I was there when you lost Emily. And today you not only run into Susan Chambeliss, but a little girl who thinks you're her savior and a baby that called you Ma several times." 

"All he could say was Ma. It had nothing to do with me. And if there is some fowl play going on here, we're the only ones who will investigate it." 

I walked out the room before he could offer up anymore rationalizations. It was only when I arrived downstairs that I realized William Michael's hat was still in my hand. I didn't want to have to face Mulder with it and have more debating on the subject, so I stuffed it into my pocket.   
  
  
  


Mulder and I were silent on the way back to our hotel. I was glad, that hat was like a burning hot poker in my pocket. I probably would have confessed my theft if he spoke. However, once I was alone. I took it out and held it in my hands. Remembering the small child it belonged to, his sister. Their pleadings as they held onto me. 

The door between our rooms was unlocked, but thankfully Mulder was gone. He went to buy some sunflower seeds for his supply. He only has a few in his pocket supply. I use to think those things grew in his pocket.   
  


_"Why don't you believe her?" a small voice said from the end of the bed._

_"Your not real," I stated thinking I must have dozed off, because that was the only way Emily could be sitting on the end of the bed._

_"She's not a child," a second voice said. This one belonged to Melissa. "We adults are always on the search for proof. Even her Mulder is seeking physical evidence for those intangible things he believes in. Only children have a faith that's completely blind. You keep telling yourself that this is a dream, maybe you're right. Maybe we are not what we seem to be. Maybe these forms are just a convenient way of getting this message to you."_

_"They're in trouble. You must go to them now," Emily added._   
  


I jerked awake with that statement. As I thought, I had been asleep. But for the first time, I could remember the dream clearly. The kids were in trouble, I sensed it. I had to check on them. Maybe I was acting like a worried mother, despite the fact I wasn't there mother. Yet, I was filled with the sudden urge to know if they were okay. I didn't care what Mulder thought. Well that's a lie, but in this situation it was second to knowing the kids were okay. 

I burst into Mulder's room. He was munching on his seeds and reading a police report. Confused at my sudden entrance, his eyes glanced up at me over the paper, as if to say 'what in the hell'. I didn't care. 

"Mulder, do you have the number for Children's services?" 

"Why?" 

"I need to check on them, the Brown children." 

"Why?" 

"Just a hunch Mulder." 

I knew by now I was appearing quite ecstatic for no reasons at all. These were not my children. But I had had an instinct similar to this with Kevin. I expected a snide remark from Mulder, something I wasn't in the mood for, but instead he uttered a surprising "Okay" and dialed the number. It was only then I realized I was twiddling my thumbs. Mulder registered his usual stoic expression as he conversed on the phone. There were times I could see through this, but not right now. Right now I couldn't see through glass. 

"Scully," Mulder said as he looked up at me. "You must be psychic. They're gone." 

"Gone, gone where." 

"No one knows, " Mulder replied. "They just disappeared. Someone went to check on William Michael about a half-hour ago, he wasn't there. Then they discovered his sister was gone too. Along with a wagon they keep in the play area." 

"Have they searched the whole building?" 

"Yes and they've called the cops, though they haven't found any signs of anyone breaking in or out. Let alone a five year old strolling her baby brother in a little red wagon." 

"Mulder" 

"I know, lets go" 

We were out of that hotel room and outside before we knew what was happening. The keys were in my pocket, so I slid them over the hood to Mulder. I was too upset to drive. However, just as I was slipping in the car—a glimmer of red attracted my attention. The traffic of the main roadway was flowing heavily, so I prayed it wasn't what I thought. Besides—how would a five-year-old get out her that quickly? 

"Ma," I heard softly as all traffic stopped for a red light. And there was Kayla, walking the yellow line, wagon in tow. I panicked and ran to her, without even checking to see if the light was changing. Kayla seemed to be in a trance anyway, and if she was sleepwalking—I didn't want to startle her awake. 

I cut straight in front of her path, gently grabbed her and called her name. Her eyes suddenly came alive as she blinked at me. 

"Miss Dana? Uncle Charley was taking me home. How'd I get here?" 

"Kayla, you're a long way from home." 

As if some spell had been broken, the light turned green, cars noticed us, and suddenly began to honk their horns. The loud noise scared the baby boy lying in the wagon, who began to cry. 

"It's okay, I'm here," I said lifting William Michael. 

By the time I looked up, Mulder was standing over me. Horns were still honking; Kayla was covering her ears to reduce the noise. Mulder said nothing; he just silently picked up Kayla, grabbed the wagon handle and walked out of the street. Coddling the scared baby, I followed.   
  


I called children's services this time, convincing them the children should stay with us for the night. I was sitting on the end of Mulder's bed at the time. He kept gazing at me, still holding William Michael. I didn't like his look, this "I'm watching you hang yourself" expression. He hadn't said anything of the like, though he had already run out and bought me some pampers and milk to get through the night. For some reason, he didn't argue with me keeping the kids over night. Kayla was sitting on the floor laughing and watching cartoons. 

"So Scully," he said when I hung up. "How did you know?" 

"I told you, I've been having these dreams" 

"Dreams, when Does Skeptical Scully act on dreams." 

"Mulder, why is it every time I believe in something, you act like my personal feelings are clouding my judgement!" 

"When have I done that?" 

"Would you like me to compile a list, starting with a man named Boggs." 

Kayla turned her attention from the TV to us. "Are you guys fighting?" 

"No Kayla, Mulder and I just disagree sometimes." 

"That's what Jessica's mommy and daddy said just before they got 'evorced. Then her Mommy moved her away and I never saw her again." 

"Well Scully and I aren't married so—" 

"Your not?" 

"Come here Kayla," Mulder said taping the bed. She climbed up on the bed between us. Her brother had crawled off of me and now lay on the bed examining my keychain. 

"Now Miss Kayla," Mulder began 

Kayla giggled. 

"What's so funny?" Mulder asked. 

"No one ever called me Miss before," the child said giggling through the whole sentence. "Daddy called me Kay- Kay." 

"Well, Would you like me to call you that?" 

"No, Miss Kayla will be fine," she giggled yet again. 

This exchange was getting too cute; I had to stifle my own giggles. 

"Do you want to tell me how you got here?" 

"I don't know," Kayla shrugged. "I was real upset, so they put me in bed. I guess I cried myself to sleep, because Uncle Charley came and I can only see him when I'm asleep. He had William Michael wrapped all up and bottle with him and everything. And he said we were going home." 

"How did you get out?" 

"He took us out the back door," 

"Wasn't anyone there?" 

"No, I didn't even hear anybody. Which is weird, cause usually all I hear is people or kids." Kayla sighed. "I'm hungry." 

"Didn't you eat dinner?" I asked. 

"No, I was too upset. My stomach didn't want any food. They couldn't even make me eat." 

"Mulder, there's a fast food place not to far away. I could take Kayla and William Michael—" 

"I'll go with you," Mulder entered.   
  


As we entered the fast food restaurant, Kayla began to run down a long list of foods that she would eat in a few days, let alone tonight. She was getting whatever kids meal was available. William Michael was nuzzling my neck, fully awake, exploring his new world with his eyes as bottle sucking sounds vibrated in my ear. 

"What a beautiful baby," a woman said as she entered behind us. "How old is he?" 

"10 months" 

"Oh, you must be so proud. And look at that lovely little girl. It's always nice to see a good-looking family." 

"Thank you," I replied, not willing to go into a long explanation of our involvement, hell it wasn't the first time Mulder and I were accused of being a couple. Still, I felt Mulder's glance before I ever looked at him. "What's the point of explaining Mulder?" 

"Not feeding into your own delusion," Mulder said just before he departed to get a high chair. 

We then filled a little booth. I put William Michael beside me. I didn't think Mulder wanted to deal with feeding a baby. Mulder got the food. William Michael had applesauce, but as soon as he saw my fries, he threw his bottle across the table and reached for my fries. The milk from the bottle squirted into Mulder's face and rolled into his food, causing me and Kayla to break into laughter. I placed a few fries in front of William Michael. He smiled and bopped in his chair. Kayla grabbed a napkin, stood in her seat, and her little hands tried to wipe Mulder's face clean. 

"Thank you Miss Kayla." 

"Your welcome Mr. Fox." 

I tried to conceal my smile as my eyes involuntarily met Mulder's. A slight smile appeared on his face and for the moment we were happy with the scene before us. 

Suddenly that picnic table scene from my dream flashed back into my head. "Fill the table Dana." She couldn't have meant something as simple as me giving the kids a meal. So what did it mean? And what would all this mean tomorrow when I had to take the children back? I knew I was letting William Michael get attached to me. Kayla was still expecting me to take her home. It was easy for her to laugh and play with Mulder, expecting that tomorrow she would go home and all would be right with the world. Was I making a mistake?   


  


DZ - 1999 

   [1]: mailto:Lady_Vader21@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html



	3. Dana's Dreamland - Part 3

Danadreamland_3 TITLE: Dana's Dreamland - part 3/3   
AUTHOR: [Empress Vader][1]   
RATING: PG   
CATEGORY: Mulder/Scully romance - X-file   
SPOILERS: none I can think of   
WEBSITE: [http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html][2]

Summary: Scully's attachment to the children continues to grow and she feels herself being pulled away from Mulder to be with them. 

Disclaimer: As you know, the characters Mulder and Scully are Chris Carter's brain child, and all rights belong to him, Fox, 1013 etc. I'm getting no money from this; it's all in fun.   
  


Dana's Dreamland 

Part III   
  


_"Come on, I have to show you something," Kayla's little voice said as she dragged me off the park bench._

_I didn't remember coming to the playground, but here I was—with Kayla._

_She took me to a sandbox where she had built a small sandcastle._

_"Look, there's room for all of us. Me, William Michael, you, and Mr. Fox."_

_"But what about your Mommy."_

_A dim frown fell upon the little girl's face. "She's gone, she can't come back."_   
  


_"Miss Scully, " a male voice said from behind me. I turned toward it. A young man stood before me. Dressed in all white._

_"I'm Charles Brown."_

_"Uncle Charley?" I asked doubtfully._

_"Yes, we must talk."_

_"What about?" I turned toward Kayla, but she was gone—as was the sandbox. "Where did . . ."_

_"She's safe." Uncle Charley interrupted. "Do you believe the sins of the father are carried onto the son? They are. The sons, the daughters. Whole families have been infected and broken by the mistake of one member. But as long as there's a supplement—innocence can be saved. That is no longer possible in our line. And now, the only way to save innocence, to do any good, is to give them a chance to shed themselves of us."_

_"By them you mean Kayla and William Michael."_

_"All that is us must end, so that they may begin. And I have been told, that you are deserving of making that new beginning possible."_

_"Told by who?"_

_Charles smiled in response—a friendly smile._

_"Always remember, life is the sum total of our choices, both small and large. You've reached a fork in the road that will change the rest of your life. As you make this choice, remember what Kayla said, there is room for all of you."_   
  
  
  


"Ma," the baby cried as he pulled on my shirt and I slowly returned to reality. 

William Michael was sitting on the bed beside me. Kayla was still sleeping soundly beside him. She had worn my T-shirt to bed and her small body was lost in it. William Michael had slept in his pamper. I had rinsed out their clothes and hung them in the bathroom. 

"Ma," William Michael repeated followed by a baby talk sentence. Obviously trying to communicate something. 

"What is it sweetie?" 

"Ma, Ba-Ba," he said pointing to the empty bottle on the table. 

"Oh, you want a bottle," I replied retrieving it from the night table. "Okay, let's get you some milk." 

I picked up William and he held onto me as natural as ever. He smiled at me and I knew at that moment, I had fallen in love. Not just with him, with Kayla too. She was a little chatterbox, at dinner. She had told us a story about almost everyone in her neighborhood, her teachers, and her friends. She even told us stories about herself and her Uncle Charley—whom she seemed to love dearly. But it wasn't until later that night, when she was curled up beside me, that she told me about her parents. How much she loved them, little things they had done how happy she was when she finally got a baby brother. 

I shook these thoughts off and went to get the milk and pampers from Mulder's room. He was still asleep. 

"Hey William Michael, this is my little boy, well big boy. His name is Fox. He can be bad sometimes; sometimes he says the wrong thing. Believe me William Michael, he's made some big mistakes. But at the end of the day, he's a sweetheart. Let's not wake him up, okay." 

He smiled at me. Whenever he smiled, those big bright eyes of his seemed to sparkle. Kayla was like that too. 

I put William Michael on the unoccupied side of Mulder's bed as I filled his bottle and retrieved a pamper. I gave him the bottle to suck on, while I changed him. When that was done, I left him on the bed while I went to toss the dirty pamper into the bathroom trash. 

"What the hell?" I heard Mulder yell suddenly. Followed by William Michael's giggle. 

I quickly returned to the room. Kayla entered his room from my room rubbing her eyes. 

"What's going on?" the little girl asked, the neck of the shirt dropping over her shoulder. 

"Scully, get this kid. He tried to stick that damn bottle up my nose." 

Kayla gasped. "Mr. Fox, you said a bad word." 

"I'm sorry Miss Kayla," he said apologetically as I retrieved William Michael from the bed. 

"He was just trying to share Mr. Fox." 

"Ma," the baby boy said with a smile. 

"Didn't I tell you not to wake him up." 

"Ma," he replied with that magical, huge grin. "Mommy." 

"He said Mommy," Kayla shouted. "He never said that before." 

My eyes met Mulder's as the small baby lay down on my chest. He had called me "Mommy", not Ma—his universal term, Mommy. He had never called anyone Mommy—and now he was calling me Mommy. I couldn't help, but be pleased somewhere deep down inside, but as the hanging silence of the room told, I was also shocked and worried. Today he had to go back, she had to go back. And now they would both hate me. Especially Kayla, I hadn't had the heart last night to explain once again that she would not be going home. 

"Ma Mommy," William Michael said again, as if to assure the room that's exactly what he had said. 

"We better get ready to go." 

"Your taking me home now?" Kayla asked. 

Mulder's eyes met mine, he couldn't tell her either.   
  
  
  


The chatterbox was in full effect as we loaded them into the car. I had borrowed a car seat from the hotel manager after explaining why the kids were in our room. He said he offered to lend us his daughter's car seat and I accepted. It took Mulder an hour to figure out how to get it in the car. Kayla laughed at him, then finally crawled in the back seat, wiggled the chair a bit and snapped in the seat belt. 

As each step got us closer to pulling off, I think both our hearts was clogging our throat. We knew we had to tell Kayla, that if we didn't she would hate us even moire. Not me, us, because "Mr. Fox" was her new best friend. Yet neither of us could tell her she was not going home.   
  


BRING! 

Both Mulder and I grabbed our phones, the second ring revealed the call was his. 

"Mulder . . . . .yes, I was there to see Mindy Brown yesterday." 

"That's Mommy," Kayla whispered in the back seat. 

"She's what?" Mulder turned to me. "Scully, Mindy disappeared last night. She's not at the hospital." 

"Of course not, she's home," Kayla stated matter-of-factly. 

"There's no harm in checking it out," Mulder replied. 

"Mulder, we can't, we're obligated to—" 

"Scully, the place isn't going anywhere. And it would make _somebody_ real happy to see her mother, before going back to _that place_." 

I sighed, that was all the hesitation he needed to start out toward the Brown's house.   
  
  
  


As we pulled into the driveway, Kayla became completely giddy, telling her brother they were finally home, that Mommy was here. We weren't sure; the house looked as abandoned as it had been the day before. 

"Mommy," Kayla suddenly yelled, unbuckling her seat belt. 

We turned and saw Mindy Brown walking toward the car. Kayla was out the door before we could say 'stop'. She ran into her mother's arms and Mindy broke into tears as she embraced her daughter. 

"Kayla," Mindy said pulling the little girl away. "I came home to get you this." Mindy pulled out a small chain with a heart attached to it. "My mommy gave it to me and now I give it to you. So you will remember." 

"Remember what?" the little girl asked as her mother placed it around her neck. 

"Me, the good things, Daddy. When you begin to hate me. . ." 

"I'll never hate you Mommy," Kayla replied. 

"You say that now, but—Is William Michael in the car." 

"Yeah" 

Mindy took her daughter's hand and walked to the car. Mulder and I sat silently, knowing we should stop this right now and return each person to their designated locations. But neither of us moved as she lifted her son from the car. 

"I'm never going to see you walk," she said holding her son. "Never hear you speak a whole sentence. Attend your first day of school. You were never meant to be and now you cannot be mine." She placed her son back in the car seat "Kayla, get in the car. 

"Why Mommy?" 

"Cause I said so, get in the car." 

"But I don't want to Mommy, I'm finally home." 

"No Kayla, this isn't home anymore. Get in the car, please." 

A dejected Kayla climbed into the seat. Mindy moved toward the front window. 

"I've packed there things, William Michael's gotten kinda big—so he probably can't fit a lot of his clothes. They grow up so fast, cherish it Miss Scully." 

"What are you talking about?" I asked. 

"They all came to me, they made me understand. It's my duty as a mother to release them from our curse. Charles tells me not to hate you and I don't. I just can't help being jealous that you will get to be there for all the things I won't." 

"Mindy, get in the car," Mulder interjected. "We'll take you back." 

"I can't go back, and I can't go forward. This is my end and your beginning." 

Mindy stepped away from the car and started walking towards the house. Kayla went for the doorknob again. 

"No, Kayla, stay in the car," I said jumping out myself. 

"Scully," Mulder called jumping out behind me. 

"Watch the kids Mulder," I said turning toward him and then back toward the house and running inside behind Mindy. 

Inside the doorway, I was surprised to find out Mindy had packed boxes of clothes and toys, as if the children were moving out. 

"Mindy," I called, but the house gave me no clue of where she was. "Mindy, this doesn't have to go down like this. Mindy, you can get your children back one day."   
  


BOOM!   
  


The sound of a gunshot spun me around. It came from the office. I ran into the room as fast as my legs would carry me. But I was too late. I found Mindy sprawled on the desk, a bullet wound to the head, the gun on the floor.   
  


It took me awhile to get the nerve to go outside. Mulder and the children's eyes poured into me, wanting an explination. They must have all heard the shot as I could hear the cops arriving when I exited the house. I silently climbed into the car as police cars pulled up in the driveway.   
  


"She's gone, isn't she?" Kayla asked. 

"Yes, Kayla—she's gone. I'm sorry." 

"Mommy," William Michael cried, fighting his car seat restraints as he reached for me. 

I stepped out the car and retrieved the baby from the backseat. A cop walked up to us. We knew there was going to be a lot of things to explain.   
  
  
  


Three hours later, Mulder and I were sitting in the local police station, still with the kids. William Michael was asleep in my lap and Kayla was in Mulder's lap, she had fallen asleep too. Susan Chambeliss had agreed to come by and pick the kids up there. 

"Scully, what are you going to do?" Mulder asked. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You know as well as I do, what's going to happen when it's time for these kids to go back, especially now. Kayla's just lost her mother, the last thing she believed in." 

"I don't know Mulder, I can't exactly take them home." 

"But you would, wouldn't you." 

I gave him the non-answer answer, I looked away. I wasn't prepared to be anyone's mother—let alone these two small children. And what about my job, it didn't allow for this. Children needed constant love and attention. 

"Miss Scully, Mr. Mulder," Chambeliss said as she entered. "The cops found a tape you should listen too. Officer Popoli will watch the children." 

A female officer came in. I gently handed the sleeping baby to her. Mulder slipped Kayla from his arms into the chair. She curled up, but never woke up.   
  


We entered a room where the local police chief and a couple officers were sitting. We sat down and they started the tape. 

_"Dear Miss Scully,_ I am Mindy Brown. Mother of Kayla Diane Brown and William Michael Brown. Or at least I use to be. The wrongdoing of my family dates back many years. Never, has anyone, in my direct line successfully kept his or her family together. My grandmother's infidelity set up the hate between her only two sons. And the punishment for their hate was having their children unknowingly fall in love. Kayla was a conception made in innocence for that reason. But William Michael, named after my father and David's, meant to unite us as a family, was a conscious journey into sin. Though we did not choose to have another child, we knew at the time about ties we had no idea of when Kayla was conceived. Our line is domed and we must therefore end it. David understood this when he committed suicide. His father had explained it to him, but I did not want to face it. So I bared my father's words and tried to go on. But I couldn't. Today, I would like to relinquish the custody of my children to Dana Scully. It has been told to me that she will protect them.   


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Good-bye."_   
  


"This doesn't make sense, I hardly knew the woman, " I replied to the group. 

"If this woman thought she was connected to a spirit world somehow, " An unidentified woman in a suit began. "Than there may have been something about you that made her think you were worthy of replacing her. That crucifix of yours is a powerful symbol to someone looking for one." 

"Did you guys every solved the brother's murder? Charles Brown." 

"Yes, his boyfriend killed him," an officer began. "It seems he was married, ashamed of his homosexuality. He confessed himself. He got into an argument with him leaving his wife. It escalated into some very personal issues and he killed him in a fit of rage. Then, he tried to cover it up by making it look like a hate crime." 

"Is the tape credible?" I asked, changing the subject back to the children "I mean, could this be enough to give me custody of them." 

"Miss Scully?" Chambeliss questioned. 

"Kayla and her brother have gotten attached to me, if I walk out of her life now—after she's lost her mother. What will she believe in? I can't walk away from them, not after what's happened." 

Chambeliss sighed. 

"Kayla's hurt in ways she can't even say yet. The easiest way for her is to already be with someone she trust. I can be that person." 

The female officer entered with William Michael in her arms, screaming "Mommy, Mommy". I quickly retrieved him. He imediatly cuddled next to me. Kayla came in, her eyes dim, a frown on her face. She simply walked up to me and laid her head on my side. 

"I'll do my best," Chambeliss said looking at us.   
  
  
  


Later that day, I took the children back to the hotel room. Mulder was tying up whatever lose ends there were. Kayla was silent, she sat in front of the TV like zombie. I tried to joke with her on the way back, but that little bright side she always seemed to have was gone had disappeared. I changed William Michael and laid him down with a bottle. Then I called Kayla to me. 

"I want you to see something." I said as she sat down beside me. I reached in my wallet and handed her a picture from it. 

"Who's this?" Kayla asked. 

"It's Emily. She was my daughter." 

"Where is she? At home." 

"No, she died. She was a very very sick little girl." 

"Do you miss her?" 

"All the time. And you'll always miss your mother. But somebody has to take care of you. Now the way I see it, you've lost a mother and I've lost a daughter. So I think that makes us perfect for taking care of each other?" 

"Mommy," William Michael called, standing in the crib, presenting his empty bottle. 

"He already thinks you're his Mommy," Kayla added. 

"Does that upset you?" 

"No, he needs a mommy. And so do I, I guess. And I guess, I don't mind, if it's you." 

"Thank you Kayla," I replied placing a hand on her little head. She leaned into me and began to cry.   
  


Kayla cried herself to sleep on me. I tucked her into my bed. Then played with William Michael until he was tired enough to take a nap. Mulder came in then. I now considered the draw backs of my choice. For a long time I had known I only had two choices, a normal life or a Mulder life. And the moment I decided to keep the children, I knew which life they needed. I knew we had already had a really crappy day and this wasn't the best way to top it off, but I felt I had to get this off my chest.. 

"Hey, Scully. How are they?" 

"Okay, Kayla's emotionally worn out. She had a much-needed cry. William Michael, he doesn't even get it. He knows something's wrong, but--" 

"You got a job on your hands." 

"Actually, that's what I want to talk to you about. Sit down Mulder." 

"Why do I feel like bad news is coming?" Mulder asked as he sat on the bed. 

I slowly sat down beside him and exhaled. "When I made my decision today, I knew that to have them, I was going to have to let you go." 

"What?" Mulder said jumping off the bed. 

"I can work for the FBI and be a parent, but I can't be your partner and be a mother." 

"Why?" 

"Because they need all of me and I want to give them that, but I can't as long as your life's work is consuming my life. I choose to be with you Mulder, because I believed in you. Not because I believed in Monsters, Aliens, and Ghost. I've told you these things before. But that means that makes all I dedicated to you and your work is their's now. They're wounded children Mulder." 

"Scully, you can't do this. I need you. I told you before, I don't know if I can do this alone anymore." 

"You can Mulder and you will," I turned back toward my door. 

"When did you decide this, today?" 

I turned back toward him. I could tell his head was still searching for more rationalization to make me stay. This was one of those times when I wanted to kiss him, just run into his arms and kiss him. So I did. We were both becoming extremely shaken by the turn of this conversation and our eyes revealed that to one another. Ourlips grazed one another's ever so softly. 

"Scully," Mulder said in almost a whisper. "I will do anything to make you stay." 

He then leaned toward me. I knew what was coming and every rational bone in my body screamed "don't." I couldn't though; I wanted to feel his lips on mine again. And they met mine, with tenderness yet again, I feltt my legs get weak beneath me. He had hardly moved away when he came for my lips again, this time a little more forceful. And then I felt his warm tongue slip into my mouth and engage our tongues in a long awaited dance. He lifted me with ease laid us down on the bed; our lips barely separating in the process. 

Then his lips left mine to make a trail of kisses to my cheek, down my neck, and to my breast. His hands following. My whole body was on fire with him and that was exactly why it had to stop. It seemed he, in fact, would do anything to make me stay. 

"Stop Mulder," I whispered so softly that he didn't hear me. Oh, this was going to be hard; his hand was unbuttoning my blouse, making me tingle. "Stop Mulder," I managed out—just strong enough for him to notice. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I won't let you do this just to make me stay." 

"But—" Mulder began. "Oh forget it. You probably wouldn't believe me anyway." 

"What, say it?" 

"I love you." 

" I know," I replied. How could I not know that? But how easy was it to love someone when they were all you had? I loved Mulder, too. I loved his faults, I loved his mind, his passion, but mostly I loved being needed. When Mulder needed someone, I chose to be that someone. "I love you, too. But is it because we're the right ones for each other, or because neither of us has anyone else."   
  


Mulder sighed and slid up onto the pillow, I slid up beside him and laid my head on his chest. Our situation had already been compromised and I was emotionally spent. I think he was too, for we fell asleep that way. I don't know how much later I woke up, but Kayla was lifting her baby brother onto the bed and then crawling up behind him. I didn't move, I could still hear Mulder breathing as he remained in deep sleep. Kayla and William Michael found their own little crevices to curl up in. I couldn't believe there was room for all of us in one bed.   
  


When I awoke the next morning, Mulder had left the bed and was standing in the bathroom brushing his teeth with Kayla. She was giggling again. William Michael sat on the bed looking at me. "Mommy?" the baby asked. 

"Yeah," I answered, knowing in fact, that meant this was my last X-File. Mulder consumed my life, he would never really be gone from it, but he couldn't be all of it anymore. I still, had to leave him. 

THE END

  
  
  
  


DZ - 1999 

  
  


   [1]: mailto:Lady_Vader21@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html



	4. The Final Piece

Title: THE FINAL PIECE (Conclusion to Dana's Dreamland) TITLE: THE FINAL PIECE (Conclusion to Dana's Dreamland)   
AUTHOR: [Empress Vader][1]   
RATING: PG   
CATEGORY: Mulder/Scully romance - X-file   
SPOILERS: none I can think of   
WEBSITE: [http://www.geocities.com/lady_vader21/FanWork.html][2]

Summary: Takes place a short time after "Dana's Dreamland". Scully has now adopted Kayla and William Michael. Mulder must prove that his love for Scully is genuine. And that he's truly ready to dedicate himself to her and the children. 

Disclaimer: As you know, the characters Mulder, Scully, Jordan Black, and Frank Black are Chris Carter's brain child, and all rights belong to him, Fox, 1013 etc. I'm getting no money from this; it's all in fun.   
  


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

THE FINAL PEICE 

"Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled happily as she ran toward me. It felt so good to sweep her up in my arms. I never thought I could love a little girl like this, I had been afraid to love anyone with my whole heart, I had learned at a very young age loving that much was dangerous. 

Hell, I never even knew I had come to love Scully until she went away, until Duane Barry took her, until I felt that hole that come from being incomplete. And when I finally got her back, I wanted to hold her, hold her close to me, but instead I held her off with rage--rage at whomever had took her. Yes I had touched her, touched her in little ways because I was curious about her, especially after, well after she gave me a peak into that gorgeous little body of hers. It was our first case together and I was quite sure she was a spy. In that moment, I tried to convince myself that her strip tease in front of me was a game. A ploy to distract me. However once touch told me, she was really afraid and I was more afraid when she fell into my arms, afraid to hold her, afraid of the warmth that comes from being with another human being. Afraid of being alone again, afraid of the moment she would walk away and leave me with the memory, but she didn't walk away. Even when I was with women, I was never truly "with" them. They could never reach that place inside me, a place that always seemed to reveal itself around Scully without me wanting it to. 

Despite her small frame, she was strong and determined, nothing got past her. She could make grown men quiver with a glare. But when I had needed it, she'd been there with a gentle touch, a loving embrace, or a sympathetic ear. When she got to close I would do something, I'll admit it, stupid, to distance her. How much I loved her snuck up on me, forced me to remember and act everytime I almost lost her or caused her pain by nearly killing myself. 

But Kayla was different. The five year old flushed me with warmth whenever I heard her little voice. I could never hide how happy I was to see her. There was something magic about a child. 

Scully and I hadn't discussed waking up in the same bed with two kids curled up between us or even going to sleep in that bed together in the first place. She had simply sent me home, holding on to the idea that she couldn't be my partner and their mother. 

The ten month old little boy who was now her son was lying against her chest. The sunlight striking them in such a way that even in the black they wore for the funeral, they would have made a beautiful photo for one of those picture frames. 

I placed Kayla on the ground, but she stayed at my side, taking my hand. The adoption was over, their mother was buried, and Scully was now a mother of two when it was thought she would never even be the mother of one. 

"You didn't have to come," she said. 

I wanted to tell her how empty I felt walking into that office alone my first day back without her, how incomplete I felt without her. How I felt I had lost half of myself. 

"I wanted to come," I said simply. "Couldn't wait to see little Miss Kayla here." 

Kayla giggled. 

"We were just going to eat," she said placing William Michael in the stroller and securing him. "Want to join us." 

"Lead the way mom," I said playfully placing my arm around her shoulder. 

They say children change you and Scully seemed more relaxed, happy, satisfied. She was glowing.   
  
  
  


We ate at a Pizza place and by the time we drove back to Scully's hotel room--the kids were tired. Her room had two beds and William Michael's portable crib. Scully laid William Michael down saying "Goodnight Peanut", she and Kayla had come up with the nickname. Scully said Kayla informed her that Peanuts were her mother's favorite snack. 

"I guess I should get a room for the night," I mumbled. 

"We're all going back tomorrow. No need for that, I can share Kayla's bed." 

"Or we can share a bed," I smiled, testing the ground for our old banter. 

"Oh no Mulder, I might not be able to keep my hands off you," Scully said with a smile--well she was in a good mood. "Here," Scully said tossing me a bag of sunflower seeds. 

"Aw honey, you remembered," I said opening my arms for a hug. 

She ignored me and went to sit on the bed. "It seems in your short time together you taught Kayla your habit. I see I'm going to have to keep a cabinet full of sunflower seeds and peanuts. she asked me something the other day." 

"What?" 

"Could you be her new father." 

I couldn't speak, I only smiled--hoping just the thought of it wasn't making me blush as much as I imagined it did. 

"Well, did you tell her I'd be happy to oblige if only her mother would let me." 

"Mulder, I know she's smiling right now. But she's still a very hurt little girl. And I think, somehow she's trying to recreate her old family. And to do that she needs a dad. You just happen to be the closest father figure she has right now." 

"So your saying?" 

"Mulder, you know as I do your not ready for it. Your still a little boy yourself." 

"I'm not a little boy." 

"Mulder, you barely take care of yourself. Every time I go to your apartment there is some new organism growing in there. I'm not saying don't be her friend, or mine, but you can't be her father." 

"Is that what you told her." 

"Yes" 

I shook my head in agreement. Scully was right, I wasn't the most responsible guy in the world. But what single guy was? I wanted her and Kayla and her son, but I wouldn't prove it to her today. Maybe I could never prove it, but I had to stay in their lives. Make me Uncle Mulder for all I care, just as long as she didn't let me go permanently, sending me into the darkness of true loneliness again. But I wouldn't talk about these things today. It had been to stressful with the funeral and the knowledge that tomorrow she would go home and alter her life permanently to be their mother. 

I flopped down on the bed beside Scully and clicked on the TV. America's Most Wanted was on. She surprised me by cuddling up beside me to watch the program. I could stay like this forever with Scully, just close, touching, holding each other. I loved her and I wanted to tell her again, but she didn't believe me. She never believed me. She followed me on pure faith, but she always questioned anything I said She only believed when the facts became blinding they couldn't be denied, so I would have to prove that I loved her. 

"Mulder," she began during a commercial. 

"Yeah?" 

"I keep having this dream about Kayla. I watching her stomp out a little sand castle. She keeps saying. 'I told you it was for all of us.' And I say, 'of course there is, we're all going home together.' She says, 'no where not' and continues to stomp. I really don't know what it means." 

"I'm sure it'll be okay once you get her home. It's probably just anxiety about the adoption." 

We fell asleep together like that. Me holding her, her holding me.   
  
  
  
  
  


Like before, the next morning we avoided confronting the fact that once again we had slept in each other's arms. 

Me and William Michael, now known affectionately as Peanut, had successfully avoided each other. I didn't know why we were at odds, maybe because he was a baby. Maybe the smallness of him frightened me, true he was almost eleven months old, way past the small infant stages, but still I kept at a distance. So when Scully asked me to change his pamper, I knew there was going to be trouble. 

I had picked him up once and only once to hand him to Scully. He had screamed every moment he was in my arms. And now as I approached him, I feared the screaming would start soon. Though at this moment he was standing in the crib looking at me. 

"Kay." He said looking at his sister. 

"Mr. Fox," wants to get you dressed Kayla said. "We have to go home Peanut." 

"Fos," the baby boy said looking at me, his 'x' coming out in a slurred 's'. But it didn't matter, he had said my name. He had added my name to his little vocabulary. It was like a peace offering. I gently lifted him up, still nervous. 

"Mommy, Mommy, Peanut said Fox," Kayla said running into the bathroom where Scully was brushing her teeth. 

"Fos," he said again laying his head on my shoulder. I felt some of the tension go away as I laid him on the bed. I still was unsure about opening his pamper, he had sprayed me with milk, I wouldn't let him spray me with "that". Was this all a con game, was he just waiting to get me. 

Kayla returned with the other pamper, just as I was loosening the one he had on. 

"Thank You Miss Kayla," I said taking the clean pamper and removing the dirty one. Though it stunk like hell, it wasn't as gross as I imagined it and Kayla was quick to take it away. Scully came in with a clean outfit for the boy just as I was closing the clean pamper. 

"Well, your pretty good at that. Think you can get him dressed?" Scully asked tossing me the babies' clothing. "Did he really say Fox?" 

"Kind of," I replied. 

"Mommy," the baby suddenly cried reaching for Scully. 

"No peanut, you've been spoiled by mommy," Scully said leaning over him causing him to giggle. "Yes, you have. That's why your not learning to walk." She said with a tickle and walked away. He reached for her and cried Mommy again. Yeah, I understand kid, there's nothing like being in Scully's arms.   
  
  
  


Scully's family met us at the airport. That was unexpected, it seems after Scully told her mother about the kids, Mrs. Scully had arranged a quick welcome home party. Bill's eyes fell on me and the little girl holding my hand. 

"Mr. Fox," Kayla whispered. "Who are all those people?" 

"Your new family--guess what?" 

"What?" 

"You have another Uncle Charlie." 

"He's not that sour faced guy is he." 

"No, that's Uncle Bill, he hates me." 

"Than I don't like him," Kayla assured me with a smile. 

Scully threw me "the look". Despite everything, she respected her brother a didn't take well to the alliance between Kayla and myself.   
  


Mrs. Scully couldn't wait. We were only a few feet away when she ran to her daughter and grabbed the baby boy. 

"Oh Dana, I'm so happy for you," her mother said hugging the baby. "A new grandson, a granddaughter." 

"Your my Granny?" Kayla asked. 

"I never had a Granny before." 

"And I never had a grand daughter before," Mrs. Scully said without thinking. For a brief second all our minds traveled to the same place, Emily. But her shadow remained for only a second. It was to joyous an occasion.   
  
  
  
  
  


I felt compelled, by a little girl in particular, to attend the little get together at Scully's apartment. But Margaret was absolutely taken with her new grand daughter and immediately took my only protection against Bill away to show her the new doll house she had bought her, complete with Family and furniture. So abandoned by Kayla, and Bill decided approached me. 

"What exactly are you doing with my sister Mr. Mulder?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Why are you trying to play daddy? 

"I'm not" 

"Dana's in their telling stories about you and 'the kids' like your married. Mr. Mulder, I can't remember the last time I saw Dana genuinely smile. She has kids now she can't be risking her life for you. The best way for things to stay that way is for you to get out of her life." 

"Bill," Scully said from behind us, surprising us both. "Stop it," she giving her brother the death stare. 

"Dana I was just--" 

"Butting into my life again. Mulder is great with the kids, he is my friend, and he's not going anywhere." 

"Are you that desperate to give those kids a father." 

"He's not there father and he's not trying to be." 

"Mommy, Mommy," Kayla yelled running into the room holding the mom and dad dolls to her new doll house. 

"What is it Kayla?" 

"I love the house Grandma got me. I got a doll a doll for everybody, Me and Peanut and this is you and this is Mr. Fox. I already put me and peanut in bed. Now I want to put you in bed, but I wanted to know if it was okay if Mr. Fox slept with you again." 

Scully and I couldn't help but look completely embarrassed, especially since a room full of people had paused and looked at us in that moment. 

"Why's everyone so quiet?" Kayla asked. "Is it okay Mommy?" Kayla asked completely clueless about the thoughts she had elicited. 

"No Kayla, Mr. Fox has his own place." 

"Okay, but since I don't have another place. I'll put him on the couch." 

Kayla fled the room. And Scully met her mother's eyes. 

"Mom I--" 

Mrs. Scully sighed as she lifted her hands to silence her. "Dana, your a grown woman." 

"A grown woman with children," Bill added. "Who should know better than to--" 

"We slept, that was it. Come on. There were children in the room Bill," I said jumping in to defend Scully. 

"And what about before them, what were you and Dana doing then?" 

"Oh well, before them Scully and I were making out ever chance we got. The only reason we ever got two rooms was so our superiors wouldn't get supiscous." 

Why I was irking Bill, I didn't know. I knew Scully respected her brother--to a point. So I shouldn't have went there but I did. He knew I was being sarcastic, but a vein started pooping on his forehead anyway. 

"Ha ha Mr. Mulder." 

"You know what Scully," I said turning away from Bill. "I'm going to go." 

"Mulder, you don't--" 

"Yeah, I do," I replied. 

I wanted to kiss her, give her a little peck on the cheek just to spite Bill, but I resisted. Instead I met her eyes with mine. She understood, no one else in the room did.   
  
  
  
  
  


I never went home. Instead I went for a walk. Russia came flooding back to me. After that bastard Krychek proved once again to be a rat and I was left alone with my thoughts in that cold dark cell. I had thought about her, thoughts of her had rushed in on me the way it always did in my moments of peril. Her faith in me has yet to be equaled and I hadn't given as good as I got. When someone showed the smallest interest, the slightest belief in extraterrestrial life--I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Even when it was a man like Krycek. But with Scully it was different, as much as her science got on my nerves--she believed in me. She never stopped believing in me, no matter what she believed about the paranormal. My parents hadn't even put that much faith in me. I didn't have that kind of faith in myself, so how Scully managed it was beyond me. And it was her faith in me that always brought me back. When I put my arms around her in that hearing, when she put her arms around me with a relieved "Mulder", I knew Scully would always be home. Home is where the heart is and that's where my heart was. I wanted to say I love you then, but all I got out was some line about being glad to hold her. Understanding that love scared me more than words will ever express. 

I realized at that moment I had circled back around. I was right back in front of Scully's place. I headed back up hoping that everyone was gone, by the time I reached her apartment door it sounded empty inside. I knocked softly and heard Kayla yell, "I'll get it." However Scully came to the door. 

"Mulder," she said in a single breath. "I thought you had went home." 

"I didn't say good-night to Kayla," I replied. Where that excuse had come from so quickly--I didn't know. "Is the coast clear." 

"I'm sorry about Bill, big brother syndrome." 

"Well I'm sure I would act the same way if you were my sister and hanging out with a nutt-ball like myself." 

"Get in here Mulder," Scully said grabbing my arm and pulling me in. 

"Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled as she ran into my arms. "Mommy said I could give you this," Kayla said as she showed me a picture in her hand. It's a picture grandma took of me, Mommy, and William Michael. She said it was for me, but we see each other all the time. You have to go home without us." 

"Thank you Miss Kayla." 

"Your welcome Mr. Fox. Come see my house please." 

"In a minute." 

"Fos," Peanut called from his place in the living room. 

"How's the little man?" I asked him. 

He smiled, grabbed onto a nearby table and began to toddle away from it toward me. 

"Oh my goodness," Scully gasped. "He's actually trying to walk without holding on," 

Knowing he had never tried this before, we began to cheer the small boy on. He smiled and toddled slowly toward our friendly voices heading straight for me. I was surprised he had decided to walk for me. Then again, I suppose it made sense. He liked Scully to hold him, so he rather not walk. Maybe he thought he had to impress me. 

He finally made it to my arms. Scully and I cheered like any couple who had just seen their baby take their first steps. We congratulated the boy and patted him and talked in that ridiculous baby talk. I still wonder who came up with that foolishness and why parents always seem to revert to it in a moment of pride. 

When Kayla came to find out what the commotion was about, she was just as excited.   
  
  
  


I did play in Kayla's dollhouse later. Then we read a book to her brother. Scully and I put them in bed, where Kayla asked for a goodnight kiss from both of us, and then Scully and I went in the kitchen to wash dishes. 

"You know, I could get use to this," I said as I dryad a plate. 

"Mulder, don't, we had a nice evening. But it isn't always this--" Scully sighed. "Not now okay." 

"Okay, so how long are you planning on sharing a bed with Kayla?" 

"I'm moving into a bigger apartment--a three bedroom." 

"Oh" 

"I really wish I could get Kayla her house. I guess that's a part of having children, wanting them to have everything they want and everything you want for them." 

"Your going to be a great mom Scully," I smiled involuntarily. I meant it as a sentiment, but I hated when I started smiling uncontrollably. And only one person could do make me feel that way, my Scully. I was standing next to my Scully washing dishes and I couldn't have been happier. One day Scully, you'll see this is where I always want to be. 

When the dishes were done, we settled down to watch TV. The news was on and I found myself completely captivated by a mysterious case. A teenage boy in Tennessee had been captured for the murder of three other high school boys. He claimed it wasn't him, that he had a psychic connection to the real murderer. Of course everyone thought he was crazy. 

"You think this kid's for real?" I asked Scully knowing what her answer would be, but needing to hear it from Scully's lips. 

"Mulder, serial killers displace their guilt by claiming to be controlled by some outside force." 

"But this kid is claiming he didn't do it at all--he just is tapped into the killer's mind." 

"This is your next X-File, isn't it Mulder." 

"I guess it is," I said with a smile. If the kid was telling the truth, there were few who would listen to him. "I know I can't convince you to join me." 

"No, not this time. I have to get ready to move, then there's Day Care, school, everything's just to new. You better go home now." 

"Before we end up back in bed together again," I asked looking directly into those brilliant challenging eyes. I couldn't resist it, at that moment I wanted to kiss her. I felt myself moving towards her, slowly, giving her a chance to tell me to stop or move away. But instead she met my kiss with her own. Our lips touch delicately, as if to ask if this was okay and they all agreed it was, so they teased each other a little more, still softly, no tongues--just lips. Then, in mutual agreement, we pulled away. 

"See you later," I said softly as I got up to leave. I had to leave now before I forgot why I kissed her. Why had I kissed her? Oh yes, to leave her with an "I love you" she would believe. 

Scully didn't say anything and I couldn't tell what it was she was thinking. I let myself out.   
  
  
  
  
  


In Tennessee I met up with the local Detective on the case, Det. Harris. I could tell the detective was still wet behind the ears. It took her five minutes it to tell me the case was open and shit and there was no reason for me to be down there. 

"Do you have some objection to me talking to the subject. You know there are well documented cases of someone sharing a strong bond with a killer. On the X-Files." 

"Yes, Yes, Agent Mulder. I did my homework. I have the run down of your credentials. But this case is solved and ready to prosecute." 

"And what if you have the wrong man?" I asked. 

"I don't," she replied snidely and walked away. 

I had already talked to the kid's lawyer, I figured he would allow me to talk to the boy.   
  


After I got myself a room and settled in, I went to talk to the boy in question. He was a small boy, looked more like fourteen than seventeen. But his eyes were strong, sure. There wasn't a trace of feigned insanity or false mystical conjuring, like the stupid, I mean stupendous Yappi. He was quite sure of himself. 

"Hello William O'Donell, I'm agent Fox Mulder." 

"Yes, my lawyer informed me you would be coming." We shook hands and I sat down beside him. 

"So, do you really believe me? Everyone else thinks I'm crazy. Are you here to prove it for them?" 

"I've been given a few labels myself." 

"Ah yeah, for what? I mean what could a clean cut all-American man such as yourself have been accused of?" 

"Belief in the existence of extraterrestrial." 

Will burst out laughing. "I thought you FBI guys already knew the secrets." 

"Well were not hear to talk about my beliefs--we're here to talk about yours." 

Will shook his head, ready to get down to business. He put on no show, he didn't pretend to channel saints or anything of the like. "Sometimes I have his nightmares, other times I see what he sees. I can't really tell his reality from his dreams. The only thing that scares me about them is that I understand." 

"Understand what?" 

"He's gay, like me. I came out about a year ago. It's been a nightmare since. I turned into Kryptonite and everybody was Superman. Except my mother, she believes in me. I might be as crazy as this guy if she didn't. But my mother believes in me, so I believed someone would listen if I kept telling the truth. Have you ever had someone believe in you like that, even when it seemed the whole world was against you?" 

I reached into my pocket and pulled the envelope that I had put Scully and the kids picture in. Then I slid it across the table to him. 

"Who's this, your wife?" 

"My partner, my ex-partner. And whenever the world's against me, she believes." 

He gave the picture back and I stowed it away in my pocket. 

"Your lucky. So what else do you want to know." 

"Tell me about the killer." 

"Like I said, he's homosexual, but he's also homophobic. His father is this big macho man who's abused him for years, I get visions of it all the time." 

"The abuse, sexual or physical." 

"I've seen some physical, some verbal, if it was ever sexual he's blocked it. He's obsessed with pleasing his father because even when his mother pats him up, she tells him not to make his father so angry next time. So that it's still his fault. His father talked about me--about how I'm dammed for being gay. All his victims were boys he was attracted to, friends of his. He's an athlete, so they do little things like slap each other on the butt--you know. And when it's someone he's attracted to, it aggravates him, so he must destroy the desire to prevent his own damnation." 

"It's that why he mutilates their faces and cuts off--well you know." 

"Yeah, the first time I saw him murder--I was asleep. Mom was working the night shift. I crawled out of bed and spit up. Then I heard about the murder on the news. I was afraid to come forward, I couldn't believe what was happening. I kept getting visions though. Whenever his adrenaline is high out of anger or fear--I see it. I don't want to, ever since that first Murder though, it's been popping into my head more and more often. When the second murder happened I was devastated. Third time, I tried to stop him. Tried to follow my vision even though it was making me sick. That's how they caught me, found me with the body, bloody. He ran when he saw me and I hadn't been paying enough attention to identify him. He's holding back now, but the itch is getting stronger. He will kill again." 

" Do you know anything else about the killer?" 

"His dad's a hunter, that's all. Always them taught him the manly art of hunting," the boy replied sarcastically. 

"You know, we could use a profiler like you down at the Bureau. What are you doing when you grow up?" 

"You sure they would want "my kind" in the FBI." 

"They let me in," I said with a smile. 

He wasn't the killer.   
  
  
  


Back at my hotel, I quickly picked up the phone and called Scully. I almost felt obligated to consult her on the case. No I wanted to talk to her. 

"Hello," a little voice said on the other end of the line. 

"Kayla," I said shocked. 

"Yeah, you want to talk to Mommy?" 

"First tell me how your day was." 

"Mommy took me to school today to get registered. They said I'm so smart I might not even have to go to kindergarten, I can go straight to first grade. Mommy say we should try kindergarten out for awhile. She's still looking for a baby sitter for Peanut and me after school. It's hard to find a Day Care that takes kids my age and babies too. We're moving into a bigger apartment tomorrow. What you doing Mr. Fox." 

"My job. What me and Mommy do, catch bad guys." 

"What did the guy do that was bad?" 

"He killed someone." 

"Why?" 

"Um, because sometimes people get angry and they do the wrong thing." 

"Why?" 

I knew if I didn't redirect the conversation, she'd why me forever. 

"I don't know if I can explain it Kayla, Let me talk to Mommy now?" 

"Okay," Kayla said as she put down the phone and ran off. Five minutes later Scully picked up the phone. 

"Mulder?" Scully asked. 

"Yeah Scully, it's me. I e-mail you my field notes." 

"Mulder, I thought we agreed." 

"Come on Scully, you really don't mind looking do you?" 

She sighed, "I guess I don't. So do you think the kid's innocent." 

"Yeah, he's genuinely disgusted by the killer. He didn't put on a crying show or some other extreme measure to try to convince me of his innocence. The kid says the killer is afraid of his homosexual feelings and I believe he's right about the killer, in that way. This kid, he's admitted it and accepted not being accepted." 

"Accepted not being accepted, sounds like a man I know." 

A knock at the door turned my attention away from the phone for a second. 

"Excuse me Scully." 

I got up and answered the door. It was Detective Harris. 

"Hello Agent. Mulder, I know you met William O'Donnell today." 

"Yes I did and he's not your killer. Excuse me." 

I went back to the phone. "Scully. . .Yeah. . .Detective Harris is here. . . .Can we talk later? . . . Alright, bye." 

I hung up. 

"Is that the wife," Detective Harris asked. 

"No, I'm not married. That was my ex-partner." 

"Yeah, I knew that. I saw your interview with William. From the way you talked about her to Will, I figured she was much more." 

"Detective, I'm sure you are here to talk about more than my personal life." 

"We were lucky to catch this kid before he committed to many more murders." 

"The kid didn't do it." 

"We found him with the bloody body." 

"This little town is just so quick to persecute him because he's different. You know I found the harassment reports his mother filed with the school and the police." 

BRING! BRING! 

Detective Harris' cell phone rang. She answered it. 

"Hello. . .WHAT!!", Det. Harris' eyes fell on me. "You were right. They just found another body." 

I grabbed my coat and the two of us went out the door.   
  


Det. Harris was a lot more agreeable after we discovered the body. I talked Scully into doing the autopsy and began working on the profile--which wasn't far from what Will had told me. When he was released, we did a lot of talking--going over his dreams in detail. When I had a completed profile, I went over it with local law enforcement. But for the first time I wasn't completely focused on the case. Everytime I looked beside me and saw Harris, I wished it was Scully. And every night I could--I called Scully and the kids to say good-night. Scully said Kayla wouldn't go to sleep unless I did. 

At the end of the week, I was completely stressed. Will had called me in the middle of the night with yet another vision, but we had gotten to the crime scene just as the killer got away. Except this time he left the weapon--his father's hunting knife. He was easy to track then, by that evening the captain of the football team--Ray Goldbloom--had been arrested for the murder. 

Det. Harris' asked me to join her for a drink after we finally locked the guy up. After giving Will a goodbye and wishing him well, I joined Det. Harris for that drink. She started a conversation on the present case, but somehow I started talking about Scully. I didn't even realize it, but suddenly I started talking about an X-File case similar to this one and that's how I got back to Scully. About fifteen minutes later, I was pulling out the kids picture, which hadn't been removed from the envelope in my pocket. 

"You really love her, don't you?" Det. Harris asked. 

"I'm that transparent?" I asked. She nodded. "Good luck convincing her of that. I suppose I understand. When your in law enforcement and you have kids, when you know just how cruel the world can be--people can be. Then it's--" 

"Is she worth the risk?" Det. Harris asked looking into my eyes, as if to confirm some type of solidarity. 

"She saved my life Harris, more than once. I suppose partners are suppose to be there for each other. But she always went above and beyond the call of duty. I mean I guess I've done the same for her, but it was my quest--it made sense for me to do those things, but her. It took me four years to kiss her and then it was only on the forehead. I was always testing my boundaries, seeing how close I could get, then I become afraid I was too close and I'd push away, go off somewhere in my head, try to focus on anything but her." 

"Would you give your "life's work" up for her?" 

"I don't know, I really don't know if I can. I mean a little over a week ago I was with Scully trying to convince her I could, than I find out about this boy and quicker than I can say good-bye--I'm here." 

"And still calling Scully to consult her on a case. Do you always call her by her last name?" 

"Mostly, her first name's Dana, it's a soft name isn't it. I've only called her Dana a few times, a mutual respect thing. I don't like the name Fox to much for obvious reasons and I told her I preferred Mulder and it's the only thing she's ever called me. But there are times when she says it in the most--" I stopped, here I was in an unfamiliar bar spilling my guts to some Detective I'd barely known a week. 

"Here's a life story for you. Both my parents were US Marshals. They met on the job, they were partners--had been for ten years when they got married. Of course they didn't stay partners after, but after mom had me, I was more important than the job. Dad said we could work it out. Mom wasn't willing to risk it. We moved away from dad before I reached my fourth birthday. He died on the job before I reached my fifth. And my mother regretted for the rest of her life that she didn't at least get to spend that last year of his life with him. She said, as a former member of law enforcement she should have known the dangers of the world weren't going anywhere and all one can do is try to have a normal life despite." 

I glanced at my watch, it was late and Kayla was expecting my good-night call. 

"I have to go, thanks for the company and help on the case." 

"Your welcome."   
  
  
  
  
  


The next day, as I was preparing for my long flight home. I kept thinking about Det. Harris' story. Sure it was a long way from me and Scully, we were on the X-Files--it wasn't your average case of on the job hazards. Or maybe it was, maybe at the end of the day one had to accept life had dangers and someone always got the short in of the stick. Well there's only one man I could think of who would even remotely understand. We weren't really friends, but he would know.   
  
  
  
  
  


"Agent Mulder?" Frank Black questioned as he looked at me, standing at his door. 

"Dad, I'm going to Julie's house," Jordan said as she slipped past her father. 

"Jordan," Frank began. 

"I know the rules dad, I love you." 

Then Jordan disappeared down the block. 

"So why are you here Agent Mulder. You know I don't consult anymore." 

"Yeah, I know. Actually this is more of a personal matter." 

"Come in," Frank Black directed. 

I entered the his house and we sat on his couch. The first thing I noticed was a picture of his wife and daughter. 

"That's you wife?" 

"Yeah." 

"If you could start all over, would you change everything." 

"Why are you asking Agent Mulder?" 

I pulled the envelope from my pocket again and showed the picture to Frank Black. 

"I didn't know Agent Scully had children." 

"She didn't before, she just adopted them. And because she did, she left the X-Files. Ever since, I've been telling myself that I want to be a father to Kayla and her brother, but Scully, she thinks being on the X-Files would mean neglecting them." 

"Is it just for the kids, do you miss Agent Scully?" 

"I love her Mr. Black. It's been getting easier and easier to say that the last couple days. I just don't know if Scully's right. I mean, you lost your wife. And your daughter for a time. Wasn't there a time you just wished you had walked away and given them a chance to lead a normal life." 

"What is a normal life Mr. Mulder? For me it was coming home to my family in my little yellow house. I know for certain that if I had never tried to have that yellow house with my wife and my daughter and my dog, I would have been a true failure even if I succeeded in my work. My wife and I weren't even suppose to have a child, but we had Jordan. And that's when I knew, even if the cards are stacked against you, you have to try." Frank Black handed the picture back. "They're beautiful kids Agent Mulder." 

"Thanks," I replied putting the picture away. "How are things?" 

"I have Jordan."   
  
  
  


*******************   
  


I hardly thought about what I was doing when I went to Scully's apartment. I hadn't been home yet, hadn't planned what to say. I knocked on the door of Scully's new apartment, expecting Scully or Kayla to answer, instead an unknown woman answered the door. 

"Yes, sir?" 

"Hi, I'm Fox Mulder. Does Dana Scully live here? 

"Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled as she ran out the door into my arms. 

"Kayla, you know him?" the woman asked. 

"Yeah, this is Mr. Fox, he's my daddy," Kayla smiled. 

"Um Kayla, I'm not your daddy." 

"I meant my daddy doll," Kayla giggled. "Come on and meet R.J." 

Kayla pulled me into the apartment, past what I could only assume was the baby sitter. 

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Fox. This is Miss Stevie," Kayla said as she paused for a second. 

"Fos," I heard a little voice say as Peanut toddled toward me and grabbed onto my leg. An unfamiliar four year old boy was standing in Scully's new living room." 

"This is Ron Jr., we call him R.J. He's in the playgroup I go to after school," Kayla explained. 

"But where's Mommy?" 

"She's out with Ron again." 

"Again?" 

"Yeah, well usually they take us. But not this time. Ron had reservations at some fancy place." 

"Fos, Fos," Peanut cried as he put up his arms to be picked up. I obliged him. 

"Excuse me Mr. Fox, Mulder, whatever your name is, until Miss Scully comes home I think you should--" 

Stevie stopped only because Scully came in the front door. Kayla was smiling as she held my hand. 

"Mulder, what are you doing here?" 

"Well I was back and--" 

"Daddy," the other little boy yelled as he ran to the man coming through the door behind Scully. 

"Hey R.J.," the man said picking up his son. 

Me and the other man's eyes met over the father/son embrace. Then my eyes fell back on Scully demanding an explanation. However Stevie was the next person to speak. 

"I did not let him in here Miss Scully, Kayla pulled him in before I--" 

"It's okay, this is my friend Mulder. He's practically family." 

"Oh, so your the famous Fox Mulder. I tell you Dana talks about you a lot. Your one interesting man." 

"And you are?" 

"Mulder, this is Ronald," Scully began, her eyes more focused on the floor than us. "R.J. is in Kayla's playgroup." 

Scully fumbled with her purse and pulled out the babysitters payment. Ron said he had to get R.J. home and gave "Dana" a kiss on the cheek as he headed out the door. And I felt myself begin to burn up from the inside, not because he kissed her, but because it seemed all to familiar, comfortable. If I hadn't been aware of Kayla and her brother in the room, if it had been just he--I--and Scully, I might have punched him. That familiarity was suppose to be mine and mine alone 

"I'm glad he's gone," Kayla said falling on the couch. 

"Kayla," Scully yelled. 

"Well I don't like Ronald, he's boring. Every time I eat a piece of candy tells me how bad it is for me." 

"This little one is really starting to have a smart mouth and I blame you," Scully said taking Peanut from me and walking into the kitchen. 

"Me, what did I do," I asked following Scully. 

"She admires you Mulder, you think she didn't catch that look you threw Ron. I saw it, you know I'm not your property." 

"Who said you were?" 

"Why are you here Mulder?" 

"To see you, the kids. Why are you acting like this?" 

"Why did you kiss me? Before you left here to go on your big "case", why did you kiss me?" 

"Because" 

"Because what?" 

"Because I wanted to." 

"You know, the next time you called me--It was about a case--as always." 

"I called to say goodnight every night," I argued not comprehending Scully's logic. 

"Yeah, to say goodnight to Kayla. All these years Mulder and you've never called me just to say goodnight. You've fallen in love with Kayla and she's fallen in love with you and I understand because it happened to me, but don't pretend like you want me when it's her you want." 

"Where is this coming from?" 

"A lot of thinking, in-between your little e-mails about the case and good-night phone calls to Kayla. I realized that its selfish with you and I--it's all about total and complete possession. Neither of us are very good at sharing." 

"Stop yelling at him Mommy," Kayla said coming into the kitchen. 

"Kayla, go back and watch TV." 

"No, your being mean to Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled. "Your going to make him go away and never come back. Just like Mommy and daddy. Why do you keep sending him away Mommy? One day he's not going to come back." 

I looked into her little face, on the brink of tears, and my heart broke. Scully was left speechless. William Michael was again the only one left neutral as he examined the faces around him, not understanding what was going on. 

"Kayla, come here," I said sitting in a chair and patting my lap. She came to me and sat down. 

"Miss Kayla, no matter what happens. Me and you, we're friends now. And just because me and mommy argue doesn't change who we are to each other." 

"You promise?" 

"Always, Kayla." I sighed, this sentence was becoming easier to say, so I might as well say it. "I love you." 

"I love you too Mr. Fox," Kayla said throwing her arms around me. 

Children, so accepting of those simple words, until someone taught them it wasn't as simple as the words. If only Scully was as easy to convince. I met her eyes over Kayla's shoulder. Victory, yes that's what I saw. As if she had proven her point. Wrong Scully, I got a long way to go, but I will prove those words to you, also.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I didn't know what to say to Scully that night, so I said nothing. I instead played a board game with Kayla. Peanut sat nearby playing with a talking alphabet table. He kept hitting the "K" key. He was absolutely fascinated with the toy saying his sister's name. I knew how quick one could fall in love with little kids, but I never knew how complete I would feel just by being among them. I didn't want to go back home again, back to the loneliness. 

I ate dinner with them, but Scully and I didn't communicate. Kayla shared a story with us and we responded to her only. Each of us took turns with Peanut's task. His mouth was a mess, Scully wiped his face with a napkin. He dropped his spoon, I picked it up and washed it. Little things like that. 

After dinner, Kayla took me to her room and showed me the "go away" house she built for her father doll, the one she said was me. It was a shoebox with some cardboard furniture she had made herself. She said whenever I went away, she would put him/me in that box. I would tuck her in bed later and give her a kiss goodnight, while Scully did the same with Peanut. Then we would switch. Then Scully walked me to the door. 

"You can't keep doing this." 

"What?" 

"Living a delusion. We're not---?" 

"We lived the delusion before and you ended up with two beautiful kids. Scully what do you think I'm getting out of this?" 

"I believe you want this, the family, the stability, the unconditional love, but I don't believe you realize what that means." 

"You think I'm immature?" 

"That could be a definition of it." 

"You know what, you're the one who's immature. You can't handle the truth." 

"What truth?" 

"This Truth," I said grabbing her with more force than intended and planting a firm kiss on her lips. I expected her to push me away, to smack me, to push me out the door. But instead she responded. Only in my imagination would our lips have met so fiercely? I had been driven by anger to touch her lips, but now I was afraid to stop--afraid rational Scully would appear and stop her from completing this act. The only thing I could think of to prove how much I loved her. 

I pulled away from our fierce kiss cautiously. I had to make sure this act wasn't a selfish one. That we agreed upon the next step, that she was my partner in the next move. 

"Do you want me?" I asked gently caressing her soft cheek, allowing my finger to gently glide across her lower lips. She didn't have to answer, the look she gave me was all I needed to understand. 

So I took my goddess into my arms and led her into the bedroom. She gave me no protest, just opened up to me in a way I never expected. I sunk into her warmth and gave her mine. Neither of us were fighting for control, we simply gave as good as we got. Our love making was completely about the pleasure of the other. And I got to fall asleep with this woman, my partner, who had become my lover, in my arms. I was sorry I hadn't called her just to say hello, but I never did so I guess I didn't think about it.   
  
  
  
  
  


"Mulder," a soft voice whispered lulling me awake. 

"Huh," I said, awakened by her movements out of my arms. 

"You need to go before the kids wake up." 

"Why?" I asked yawning, but not moving out of Scully's bed. 

"Because, I don't want Kayla getting any ideas," Scully whispered as if they were going to be bursting through the door any minute finding their mother in a compromised position. 

"Scully, I thought. . .What's going on?" 

"Mulder I'm not denying, but--" Scully sighed. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I need a handle on myself. I'm not even settled into my role as mother. I can't handle questioning our friendship right now." 

"But you can handle Ron?" 

"Ron's different, he's a father, we trade parenting tips." 

I really did not get this woman, I never had. But I thought giving yourself as we had would at least change her doubt, but it didn't. She still doubted I loved her, really loved her. I thought we had confirmed it last night, let go of the doubt. But obviously I was just the whore Scully had used to let go of some pressure. Angry with her and her constant doubt of me, I searched the room for my pants and pulled them on. 

"Don't go away angry," Scully said reading my body language. "Mulder, you are the most important--my best friend." 

"Well maybe I want to be more Scully and if you can't see that, maybe--" I stopped myself, I didn't want to finish the sentence. Even in this moment of raging anger, I didn't want to think it. 

I was sloppily dressed and out the door before I even thought about my next words.   
  
  
  
  
  


By the time I got to work, I was tired of agonizing over what was going on in Scully's head. I had given all I could, proven how much I loved her in the only way I knew how. And she had sent me packing. Still, her chair sat before me, reminding me of how incomplete I was again. Another partner, I could never have. No one could ever compliment me the way she could, from day one we had been in opposition yet always traveling the same road. 

"Agent Mulder," my boss' voice announced itself, bringing me back to reality. 

"Yes sir," I replied to Skinner like an accused kid waiting for his father's reprimand. 

I knew my hair was still disheveled and I hadn't really paid attention when I dressed this morning so I knew I looked bad. But since I basically had to do paperwork all day, I didn't really care how I looked, no one would be looking at me. I was in the basement, the lonely cold friggin basement. It didn't matter when she was here, but now-- 

"Are you okay?" 

"Fine sir, I'm the king of the world," I replied leaning back in my chair. I refused to reveal how pitiful I felt. 

"Well you don't look fine." 

"What are you talking about? This is the look of a free man. You've dealt with a divorce--" 

"Your not married to her Mulder, she was your partner." 

"Was she? Just my partner I mean." 

"No, she was your friend. She was my friend to." Skinner turned to me, "Or was she more than a friend." 

"What are you implying Sir? I never compromised our working partnership." 

"Well it's none of my bussiness, but no matter what your feeling, you have to--" 

"Mr. Fox, Mr. Fox," Kayla yelled running through the office door. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her. I don't think Skinner had ever met Scully's new duo so he was quite shocked to see the little girl so familiar with me. 

"Whoa, Mommy said your office was cool." 

Scully came in behind the little one strolling Kayla's brother. He smiled when he saw me and began clapping. "Fos," he said struggling to get out. Scully took him out the stroller and he toddled over to me. She greeted Skinner, who told her she had a couple of beautiful kids. Then Skinner excused himself. 

"Mulder we need to talk," Scully said sitting in her old seat in front of my desk. Peanut crawled into her lap, Kayla was sitting in mine. 

"Fos, that?" Peanut asked pointing to a picture on the desk. 

"It's an alien," I said in response to him. "What do we have to talk about Scully?" 

"Fos' Alweium," Peanut said to Scully. 

"Yes Peanut," she responded to the baby boy. "About a lot of things Mulder." 

"Well I have work to do, so..." 

"Hey Mr. Fox, what's back there?" Kayla asked. 

"Go look," I responded as she hopped out of my lap. 

"But don't touch anything," Scully hollered behind her. 

We both watched her go to explore the back of the office then turned to each other. 

"Scully you've made your point. I'm not going to fight it anymore." 

"Kayla asked me why you weren't there this morning." 

"And what did you say?" 

"Because you had to go to work. She said she wished you were her daddy and that you were there all the time. She needs you, I need you to be there for her. And that's a big responsibility." 

"You think I don't know that Scully? I love Kayla." 

"And Peanut?" 

"It took a little longer, but yes." I sighed, my mind couldn't let go. This was my opportunity to prove I could be responsible. 

"Mulder do me a favor, go home, clean yourself up, because your a mess. We'll clean up this paperwork at my house." 

"Alright." 

"Then we'll talk" 

"Alright," I replied.   
  


What the hell did I mean 'alright', that woman had just ejected me from her bed this morning like some whore she had had a fling with for the night. And I was smiling, my stupid ass was smiling. But Kayla was there, how could I not smile? Just seeing her made me want to smile, to hold her, to run away. 

Yes, to run away. Wanting them so much made me want to run away. But the need to prove Scully wrong was stronger than the need to run. But did that mean that I would run upon victory. Maybe I didn't have to prove anything to Scully, maybe I needed to prove it to myself.   
  
  
  
  
  


I had a load of files in my hand as I entered Scully's apartment. I intentionally showed up after the children's bedtime. I had seen them once today, so I didn't feel the need to play with them. Besides, I had to stay serious and mature for Scully and that wouldn't happen around Kayla. 

Scully came to me wearing a pair of those lovely silk PJs. She told me to stay quiet, because it had taken her hours to get Peanut and Kayla in bed. I couldn't help asking if I could look in on them. She nodded and I sat the paperwork down before entering Kayla's room. 

All the rumors were true, there was nothing like seeing your child asleep. They seem to transform from little monsters to little cherubs before you. They possessed this angelic light all of a sudden. And though they were doing nothing, one was in awe of their frozen moment of complete perfection. Maybe it was because of the innocence of children. There world was so simple and secure, but as time passes they are slowly taught that mom and dad are human and that they can't protect them from everything in the world. It's even harder when you learn mom and dad are the cause of your harm. Was that self reflection again? 

Well, maybe I could do better. I would put my all into protecting them. But Frank Black had done the same for his family, only to lose a wife. I couldn't stand losing any of them, but I couldn't run away. I had promised Kayla. And that promise was one I could follow up on, just to be there. No matter what happened tonight or with Scully. 

But how I wanted Scully. I remembered the first time I saw her. I thought I had her all measured up, I thought I comprehended everything about her just by reading one stupid file. But she surprised me, from moment one she surprised me, challenged me. Most people exhibited one of two extremes toward me, one they told me what a "bright young man" I was and how I screwed up or two called me crazy. I didn't feel like a "bright young man", profiling was just something I fell into. Maybe I felt understanding madness would give me insight into myself, but I only became more confused about myself. My insight into the heads of mad men had been so clear, but when I reflected upon myself I could see nothing. Then I ran across the X-Files and became entirely fascinated by them, it was as if the doors of perception had been opened and my life had been given definitive meaning. I was consumed by a desire to know it all. Then Scully came along. She fascinated me almost as much as my work. No matter what she saw, she always approached each case with this calm, cool, professional exterior. I was struck with utter awe and disbelief the first time I read an X-File. And as much as I envy her professionalism, I get a kick out of making her lose it. There's just something about "ticked off Scully". Scully, it's such a hard name a rough name. I had called her Dana a few times, but it didn't roll off the tongue like Scully. She had just the right name, a mixture of Soft and Hard. 

"Mulder?" Scully questioned as she came into Kayla's room. "Are we going to work tonight." 

"Yeah, I guess I just got caught." 

"She is beautiful. Sometimes I've stood in their room and watched the two of them sleep, not believing I actually have this little girl, even if--" 

"She didn't come from you. Kayla Diana Scully. I sounds right." 

"My mother says in was meant to me. William Scully, my father's name. What's the chances of me adopting a child with my father's first name." 

"Very high since my father and your brother also have that name." 

"And you, it is your middle name. My mom calls him Bill, though everybody else calls him Peanut now." 

"A kid with a thousand names." 

"We should probably get to work or we're going to spend all night in here." 

"What if I wanted to?" 

"What if you wanted to what?" 

"Spend the rest of my life in a room, with you?" 

"Let's not get off track Mulder," Scully said slipping back out the door.   
  


I followed her and we sat down beside each other at the kitchen table and began working like the old pros we were. I have to say working at Scully's apartment was far better than working at mine or at work. She had a nice supply of snacks and thanks to Kayla, this now included Sunflower seeds--loved that kid. Her refrigerator actually had real food, while mine was still waiting to see what food was. She had a nice long table, so it was easy to spread the papers out. And the excellent coffee maker, a gift from her lovely mother, kept you awake with the scent of brewing coffee when you were just about ready to curl up and go to sleep. 

You wouldn't have believe Scully was off the X-Files the way she worked that night. Though I incomplete paper work backed up until way before she left, even an incomplete file from the Brown case--Kayla's mother, she was no longer required to help me out like this, so why was she? Because she wanted to. Was she waiting for me to speak? 

"So how are things with Ron?" I spoke up, only because I could think of nothing else. 

Scully froze right where she was and gave me this unsettled look. 

"I know what we did Mulder." 

"I didn't say anything about that, I asked. . ." 

"About Ron, but you don't want to talk about Ron." 

I turned away silent, she had seen through me to fast. Or maybe she hadn't seen through me, maybe she wanted to talk as bad as I did and was just testing me. 

"There's something I want to ask you anyway." 

"What?" 

"Would you be the kids godfather? They love you. It would mean the world to them." 

"And to you?" Didn't she get it? I wanted to be there father. 

I slowly slid my chair closer to hers. It was obvious Scully had things set in her head that we should be apart for the sake of the children, but she was offering to make me their godfather? 

"Why would you want an irresponsible man like me to be your children's godfather. Someone from whom you obviously wanted a single night of wild, hot--" 

"Mulder stop." 

"I just feel so used," I said sarcastically, but I was quite serious. 

"See that's your problem Mulder, I'm trying to ask you something serious and you turn it into a game. When are you going to be serious Mulder?" 

Didn't she get it? "Scully, I--" 

"Mulder, you what?" 

Shit, I could never say just the right thing to her, not with words anyway. I reached for her and pulled her to me, before she had a chance to think about escape and planted a heavy kiss on her lips. I wanted to touch that beautiful body again, to hold her in my arms. But I wanted it to be everyday, overnight, but she didn't believe that. And maybe when things were hard, I would still think of running, but I couldn't run. Scully had been the redemption from my darkness, without her I would have died for my cause by now. Even with the protection of a man who claimed to be my father. This was my last chance at family, this was my last chance at love, and without them I would die. 

And Scully was accepting my kiss like a starved woman. Our first time had been very tentative, slow, we had cherished each other's bodies. But now she was a fevered as me, her body asking me to push forward and take hold of her. So I did, I took her body into my possession, made her mine. Refusing to let her go, I near carried her into her room, never letting my lips leave her skin--getting reacquainted with her chest, hair, breast, lips. I swallowed her groans and moans, and gasp of pleasure inside. She was mine, she wanted to be mine, because she held onto me. Is this what she wanted, for me to act. 

In the aftermath however, I saw this episode had been just like the first, that we wouldn't talk about it. We would again wake up in the morning and act like we could avoid yesterday, but I couldn't allow that. Lying awake in her bed, holding Scully, I felt complete, truly complete. 

"Mulder, Can we do this?" 

"We already did it?" 

"That's not what I mean, can we fall in love?" 

I didn't know how to answer that question. Could we? 

"Scully," I whispered softly in her ear. 

She started to turn toward me, but I stopped her, wanting to keep curled up in my arms, as close to my body as hers could be. 

"Don't move, please. I want to say something, if this all we can have, I don't want anything." 

"What?" 

"I want it all Scully, I want to give you all you deserve." 

"Mulder, for years I've wanted was to lose myself in someone, especially since-- I was afraid, I'm still afraid. I'm as strong as you think I am." 

"Yes you are," I said running my hands across her face. "Scully, will you tell me what you were like as a kid." 

Scully giggled, a giggle I hadn't heard since we'd played baseball. In ran though me like sweet honey. 

"Why in the hell would you want to know that Mulder?" 

"Because, I'm curious." 

"Mulder, your not going to shape skip into Eddie Van Blunt in a minute, are you?"   
  


We laughed and after some encouragement, Scully bore me a childhood tale--in exchange I offered the same. Most of the stories were of Samantha and I at a very young age. Hers were also about her brothers and sister, her relationship with her parents, friends. We bore our souls in a new way that night, we made love in a new way. Instead of a some disaster bringing us closer, in a moment of pure joy we shared our past. 

In the morning, I slipped from Scully's side and went into Kayla's room. She still seemed to be asleep. Her daddy doll was laying on the couch in box next to her doll house. I walked up to it and removed him, placing him in the room with the mother doll. Smiling to myself, I turned and saw Kayla sitting in the bed smiling at me. 

"Daddy?" she asked. 

I nodded and she ran across the bed into my arms. 

"My daddy, forever and ever." 

"Forever and ever, I promise," I agreed stroking the little girl's hair. And I meant it, with my whole heart. 

THE END

  
  
  
  


DZ - 1999 

  
  


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